Happy Independence Day Eve Times!

The eve of our country's independence is upon us! Here's a little something to get you in the mood:

Know what else will get you in the mood to celebrate all your freedoms from tyranny, both political and societal? Reading some Craigslist missed connections and seeing what real freedom of speech is. Olè!

Behind Crazy Harry's... - m4w (Winnetka)

It was a few years ago. You were short and curvy with dark hair and glasses...I fingered you in the parking lot behind the bar and you told me you loved it without condoms as we kissed and I rubbed your clit... 

 

Whelp! There it is! There it fucking is. Right in front of your face, staring at you with its brazenness. At this point, why bother describing the person? It's been a few years, sure, but how many times can the person you're looking for possibly have been fingered by a stranger behind Crazy Harry's? Here's a pretty useful life hack: if the answer is more than once, then you don't want to meet up with that person again. Ever. And if you're not trying to meet up with them, but merely reminiscing in the worst way possible, just write it in your goddamn gournal.

 

 

you work for at&t and ur name is Noah - w4m (Burbank)

If anyone knows him ask him if he had any missed connections lately at work. My phone deleted his number from when he called me to let me know he was at my apartment to install a router. We had this chemistry I can't stop feeling since the second we met.

Crossing my fingers he replies to this with my real name. 

 

Ugh. Just call AT&T and ask for your technician's number or some shit. Or tell them there's a problem with your router and you want that specific person to come by. Or just let it go and move on with your life. Or switch to Time Warner and fall in love with THAT guy (That's a joke. DO NOT SWITCH TO TIME WARNER). Or go out to a bar and meet someone. Or go online and make a dating profile and meet someone that way. Or just give up and be alone for the rest of your life. Whatever you do, don't type "ur" ever again. It makes your ass look HUGE.

 

2 young guys in Resturant getting food to go - m4m

You guys were getting food to go today around 11:15 at a place on redondo between 4th & 7th street.

We spoke and you knew I was checking you guys out. Don't know if you are a couple. Would love to hang out with the 2 of you sometime. Maybe more if the vibe is right.

Tell me what you did before you left so I know it's you.

Hope to hear from you.
I am on grinder and jack's dad4son56

 

Is...is "dad4son56" the guy's name on Grindr? Because that's fucking disturbing. God DAMN that's disturbing. I hope what they did before they left was pay for their food, because that would NOT be cool. And let's be real here, the whole " We should hang out and MAYBE more if the vibe is right" line is TOTAL bullshit. Just say "I want to make love to your face, son." It's much less disingenuous.

 

LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AT FRIDA - w4m - 30 (Westwood)

I know this is a long shot but you got my attention. I was the gorgeous Latina girl with long curly hair, having a drink at the bar and you asked me if the seat next to me was taken. You were with your gf/wife and after 10 min or so you asked me if the food was good there. Tell me what I answered to you. I think that you are handsome and your voice attracted me. I would like to get to know you better if you are interested

 

Turn ons: Girls that refer to themselves as gorgeous and are indifferent to whether a guy is in a relationship. Turn offs: My turn ons. What a horrible bitch. Go find someone else who isn't taken if you're so goddamn gorgeous and quit being such an amoral hoe bag. "Your voice attracted me." SHUT UP. 

 

To the person who folded my laundry... - mw4mw - 27 (City of Hope village)

I want to thank you for saving my clothing I accidentally forgot in the dryer at city of hope village. And not just that you folded all my clothes INCLUDING my under ware how embarrassing...i asked security to let me inside as I seen today my load was missing...so it was there since Friday afternoon. THANK YOU! if you see this tell me what kinds of clothes I had in there...would love to chat.

 

I leave you all with this little nugget of hope. There are good, decent people who will not only forego stealing your clothes, but will fold them for you (underwear included). I like posts like this. This person only has gratitude and they're not looking to finger this person or trying to set up a threesome for them and their spouse. It's great. However, I have one little nagging question. Why do they want to chat with this person? How's that conversation going to go? "Hey, you're the person that folded my laundry for me?" "Yeah." "Thank you!....Catch you later." Will you discuss folding techniques? Whether or not they noticed your skid marks? The benefits of permanent press? 

That's about all I have for you. I'll leave you with this: Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. - Mark Twain. Hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th of July!

Don't drink the Kool-Aid. Drink the milk!

I gotta say, soccer players are pussies. I've been watching the World Cup for the past 5 days and I have seen more people rolling around on the ground bawling than at the Rolling Around and Bawling Convention. (August 15th in Des Moines, get your tickets!) I know what you're going to ask: why are you watching the games then? Because fuck you. I'm doing research into why this is the world's most popular sport and so far all I can figure is that the world is populated by jerks. To take a break from all the inanity, I poked around Craigslist missed connections and found some real gems.

guy lets talk dirty - t4m - 19 (bell gardens)

Lets meeet at a park nd have some hot public sex ;)
Or lets just get down nd dirty

 

There were some pictures that accompanied this post, but I didn't want to look at them longer than I had to, so YOU'RE WELCOME. I guess what's bothering me about this post is that if having sex in public doesn't constitute getting down and dirty in this persons mind, what does? Maybe fucking on a pile of garbage at a Toby Keith concert? I dunno. There's just no pleasing some people.

 

Walmart - m4w

You had to be the most beautiful women I have ever seen

You were a mom with your little one (I assume your a single mother considering I don't see a ring on your finger)

You were tall , brown or black hair

You were wearing flip flops

Gorgeous long toes

And you have the most beautiful feet I have ever seen

I saw you from a distance and I was attracted

Hope you see this post, would love to email yo

 

You just KNOW when a post starts at Walmart that it's going to be quality. This almost reads like a poem. A poem about long, gorgeous toes and beautiful feet. I mean, to read it you'd think the guy never even saw her face. He barely can tell what color her hair was. Although "I saw you from a distance" can be anywhere up to and including one mile, and Walmarts are pretty huge. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and give him 7 out of 10 on the creepy Walmart guy scale. (No one scores below a 7)

 

Backstreet boy Concert Thursday night may 29th - m4w (The Forum)

Yes I was there , I went with a couple of female friends of mine

And me me being a 90's guy , I loved the show and the performance , it was amazing I gotta say

But I gotta say this one female caught my attention , she was wearing flip flops , well honestly the only girl I saw in flip flops ...

She could have been white or Hispanic

Age from 18-27 wasn't sure

But gotta admit so cute yet Gorgeous

And amazing feet in those flip flops

If your her I would love to here from you

And a quick quiz , AJ spoke about his wife coming down the aisle to a guns and roses song , which song did he mention ?

Please reply with answer and pix

Thanx !!!!! 

 

Holy shit it's the same guy and he was at a Backstreet Boys concert. Come the fuck on with the flip flops already. I think he has a problem. I can guess the song AJ's wife came down the aisle to; Welcome to the Jungle because she's fucking lame, just like the Backstreet Boys. Moving on...

 

Met you two at that bar - m4ww

You two were standing by the bar having a drink. I remember my jaw dropping when I saw you. Two white girls in your early 20s, one blonde, one brunette, both had great bodies with big natural boobs. I was really taken aback when I started talking to the two of you; you were really open and friendly. Funny too. After our third round of drinks one of you hinted to me that we could continue our little party at a nearby hotel for a price. I was tempted but I said no since I've never paid for it before. I really, really regret that now. If you see this and are still working, tell me which one of you mentioned the hotel idea. And which hotel it was. I'd love to make this happen. 

 

This is the saddest post I've ever seen. Only because this poor bastard doesn't know how to find other hookers. They're not the only ones, my man. And they're all friendly and open (Wide open, AM I RIGHT?!?) And I have to go on record here: I love women's breasts. Tits, boobs, cans, etc. Whatever you want to call them, I love them. But whenever someone is trying to be articulate they can't put "big natural boobs". That's what an eight year old and his friends would write if they were trying to write erotic fan fiction about Wendy Woodpecker or whatever kids are into these days.

Hope the rest of your week is amazing. Enjoy the rest of the Copa Mundial 2014 arriba! Gooooooooooooooooooooooooal!

 

Eat, Shit and Die: Why commas are important.

Some of you know, others don't, but I've been doing freelance work as of late. Technically I'm always looking for work and when I'm not working I'm technically unemployed. Technically. Out of curiosity, AND NOTHING ELSE, I decided to look on Craigslist to see what exciting opportunimals there are in the ever burgeoning TV and film industry. It was all porn and bullshit and bullshit porn. So I figured while I was there, I'd see if any missed connections were happening. And they WERE.

lady in peach dress Del Amo Mall Starbucks - m4w

A stunning beautiful lady wearing a peach summer dress heels and green toenail polish at Starbucks in Del Amo Mall 

 

Where's the rest? I see your nice description of a lady in a dress at the Starbucks, but what happens to her? What's he motivation? What's YOUR motivation? If this is going to be the next great American novel, then we need a little more from you. Like....anything. Speaking of novels...

240 bus hottie tonight. Next time ride me instead - m4w - 26 (Towards universal red.line station)

age : 26 body : athletic height : 5'11" (180cm)

You were a hot mixed? Curly haired girl holding a shopping bag and wearing some comfy all black pants and hoodie number that did a wonderful job of tracing your amazing curviness. It was around 9:30 Friday night on the 240 bus headed towards studio city on Ventura. I only got on and had a few minutes which i spent fucking you with my eyes and not being able to get through a sentance noticing thst the top of your ass was showing a bit and you either didnt notice or perfect world scenario knew exactly what was up. we smiled at each other a couple times. then you also randomly started filming this drunk dude who was talking nonsense.Dont do this sort.of thing regularly but have been having some dirty thoughts about you this evening and really would love to pull those sweat pants down a bit more or just completely off and do lots of things i wont mention here in the hopes of remaining somewhat sophisticated in this approach though all i really have on the mind now is hard primal fucking. I am a gentleman though. anyways i have dirty blonde hair and had on a striped shirt under a windbreaker and was holding a really thick book. in the off chance that you A) do see this B) reconize me from description and situation details and C) A + B apply and and would like to get ravished until you need to tap out then definitley get in touch. Lastly mean all this in avery complimentary way and have no judgements based of you or assumptions you would be the type to go for such a thing if this all lined up. thought.i would try though as a first though and hopefully the heavens will align and we can fuck like mad haha.

 

Did you make it through the whole thing? I sure hope you did. Because this has everything that "Lady in Peach Dress" was missing. Nuance. Catharsis. Denouement. This guy has it all. Action, suspense, romance. My favorite part is that he considers this a "somewhat sophisticated" approach. Maybe because he had to use a computer to do it? Otherwise, repeatedly telling a stranger you want to rail them isn't overly complex. I also like his little math equation, where A + B = C which results in this lady getting ravished. The "C" must stand for "coitus." I sure hope she remembers the guy who was holding a "thick book" so this tale can have a sexy ending.

 

Stella barra - m4m (Santa Monica)

Hi :). Nice to see u did u get a pizza? U r very handsome. Omg this keeps saying it's too short. Grrrrrr

First things first: missed connections is not for small talk or chit chat. This is a serious place meant to establish a connection because you're an idiot and missed it the first time and you have no other recourse. Second things second: if craigslist is telling you that your post is too short, then try TYPING OUT ALL THE GODDAMN WORDS YOU SHORTENED. If the "this" you're referring to is the tape measure you're using to measure your penis, then there is no such thing as too short. AM I RIGHT LADIES/FELLAS?!?!

 

Is this your last summer together? Make it special - mw4mm - 43

Mature woman, mother of two, wants to meet a group of friends, students, having their last summer together before their lives go in different directions. Celebrate this moment with a night of group sex, cementing your bond between each other forever. My husband and I swing, I love group fun, I want to share this with young friends in a particular place in their lives. I can host. w4mm 

I...just....wow. WOW. This is so sincere and so goddamn funny. Her pitch is solid. I'm kind of on-board with it. It feels like a Groupon. Who wants to try this? I'm not sure if our lives are in the particular place she wants, but it's worth a shot. We're a fun group and she loves group fun. We can cement our bond forever! I mean, it'll probably be cemented through chlamydia, but STD bonds are the strongest and they last a lifetime, or at the very least until treatment is done. Best part, guys, is that she can host. SHE CAN FUCKING HOST.

That about wraps it up for me. Hope everyone had a happy Father's Day!

Returning Like A Phoenix, AZ

It's been exactly one million years since I posted a blog, and even longer since I posted a missed connections blog. So here we are. I hope I haven't lost my edge, and I hope you haven't lost your appetite for pathetic people being pathetic.

Once more into the fray!

You work at Pie Hole and your name starts with a...... - m4w (Arts District DTLA)

...R....
I hope this find you well. I could not help but notice your sweet smile and when I saw you walking through the farmers market, it was your amazing shape that caught my eye. Then I was face to face with you and you were all smiles and very nice. I know it is part of your job to be nice, but, your smile had me wanting more....I Wish I was able to stop time and we could be there....to enjoy the time. If you find this....please tell me your name (so I know it is really you, and I may have another question to make sure....Hope your night was well. Am I a bit weird for this.....first time doing this ever....:) If you know of the gal I speak of...please pass this on to her.....She has glasses, very cute, lovely smile and works behind the counter.....

 

Ugh. I'm away for a long time and then this is the shit I come back to. Well, let's do this. For starters "I hope this finds you well" is how you END a Civil War era letter, not how you start one. I just hope she got over her case of dropsy. Moving on, "I wish I was able to stop time..." You are a poet. You really are. I want this to be worked into my eulogy when I die, which if I was this guy would be right now, because I'd shoot myself in the goddamn face. "If you know of the gal..." Here's a pro tip: YOU KNOW THE GIRL. You know where she works, you chicken shit. YOU pass it on. Write her a poem. Here's your first line: The light doth casteth off thine name tag that I can clearly fucking readeth, yet I findeth fear in my heart because I'm a pussy. 

 

That one's for free, buddy.

Missed Israeli Connection - w4m - 32

I am sorry. You were the best lay ever. Your very personality was sexy. I did you wrong. I am a jealous person. I miss you. Sad. 

 

I fucking love haiku's.

 

Looking for Ms. Molly

Hoping to pick up Ms. Molly. If you know where I can find her, hit me up at nine 0 9 7one six three2.
I'll be at commerce casino.
Thanks. 

 

What's that? A sad bastard looking for MDMA at commerce casino? Say it isn't so...

 

Beautiful girl with pink plugs working at UCLA dining hall - m4w (UCLA)

I was at the dining hall when I saw you working at the flatbread section. You had beautiful eyes and pink plugs. I was wearing an orange sleeveless shirt, you walked by me while I was sitting, I wanted to say hi but I was with my girlfriend, we are actually breakinf up soon cause she's moving. I'm hoping maybe I'll have another chance to talk to you. I'm hoping you see this and message me lol

 

Does a smile creep across the face of anyone else when they read this? Because it is ridiculous. Yet another "Woe is me, how will I contact this person that I know where they work" posting. But that's not what made me smile. The "I was with my girlfriend, we are actually breakinf (sic) up soon cause she's moving" part. That made me smile, because this guy is so goddamn stupid. Why include that? That is not important information. At all. I imagine him typing the part about having a girlfriend and then thinking "Oh shit! I shouldn't have put that. I better explain why I have a girlfriend but it's okay for me to be propositioning another girl.... Phew. Dodged a bullet there." Just delete it, dude. 

And there we have it. I'll try to do two of these a week from here on out. I'll never let you down again.

This racism is killing me inside!

Hello, friends. I haven't written a blog in a while. And the truth is, it's because I've been lazy. It's so much easier to NOT write a blog entry then it is to write one. I apologize, but sometimes something sticks in my craw and I have to write about it. And I apologize up front for my ranting.

Yesterday, Rick Reilly wrote an article about why the need for the Redskins name change is not so simple or offensive as it may seem. You can read the article here:

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/9689220/redskins-name-change-not-easy-sounds

His argument is tenuous at best. He argues that a lot of people don't find the name offensive, including Native Americans, so why change it. Or "try explaining it to kids who don't get it." Maybe almost entirely wiping them off of the globe wasn't enough. And he argues about other team names and how attached people are to them. As if team pride were the most important thing. I could go on and on about why Rick Reilly is an idiot, but this is merely a jumping off point. This article is just skimming the surface of what I feel is the problem with racism in this country.

I noticed he wouldn't even type the word "nigger." Or it was redacted. So he or someone else finds at least one word offensive enough to not even write it, but hey, not enough disenfranchised people find "redskin" offensive. It's just not offensive enough to our collective consciousness.

And I get that. I really do.

If the Redskins change their name or they don't, it's all fine. The world won't stop turning. But this is part of the root issue. My problem isn't even with his shitty defense of what was and is a derogatory term for Native American people. My problem is the side-stepping. The "Certain words are not fit to print, but this PC culture is killing us." People that complain about PC culture the most are usually the people who think the 1950's were a golden age. They want to go back to a time when no one was offended by anything. Oh, by the way, that time never existed. The offended people just didn't have a voice. I'm reminded of this interview with Samuel L. Jackson:

We're afraid of words. To even say them. That interviewer wouldn't even utter the word "nigger" in an intellectual context. He would probably have less trouble saying "faggot" or "spic" or "towel-head". And this is the problem. We've made certain words taboo while other words, that in my mind are equally offensive, are said just because the stigma isn't there. I cringe when people say "the N-word" because it doesn't make sense to me.

What am I getting at?

We're avoiding an honest discussion and what it means to be racist, and more importantly a bigot, in this country. Always. It's easier.

People casually say "That driver must be Asian" if the person is driving poorly. Or they'll say they must be a woman. Hell, I'm guilty of this. It's racist. Or misogynistic. These are facts. People like to side-step their racism. I do it all the time. I pretend it's all joking, but there are deeper mechanisms at work. We adhere to stereotypes because it makes us feel safer and we can sleep at night knowing we're good people because that's just the way it is when the truth is we're ALL racists and bigots. We try our hardest. Most of us try to be good people and judge only on other peoples' character, but we fail.

And that's okay. It really is. It's going to happen. The world's not perfect. We're not perfect.

But we need to try to move past it and not let it rule us. We need to try to get better and I feel the side-stepping is slowing us down. We need to reject our weakness and learn from it and improve. We're hurting progress because we keep thinking "That's someone else doing that. That's not me." If I had a nickel for every time I've heard someone utter something that belittles another race, sex or minority and then wash it away with "I have lots of women/gay/black friends" I'd be a goddamn millionaire.We gloss over it because, man, racists populate trailer parks and are ignorant assholes and that's not us. We're middle class working folks and we care about equality!

And we do.

I know I do. I care about everyone getting their fair shake. And I try, I TRY SO HARD, to not judge people based on stereotypes and what I've heard and how society views them. And 98% of the time, my rational mind wins out. My brain rights the ship and I can rest easy. But that 2% is always lurking; waiting to judge. Some sick, compulsive need to judge. And I honestly don't know what to do about it. I console myself with thoughts about how I'm open minded and liberal and NO H8 and affirmative action is great and I love the ACLU and up with the little guy.

But that 2% keeps gnawing at me.

Gay Weddings For All!

We did it! We got 5 out of 9 people to accept homosexuality, sort of! We all deserve a hearty pat on the back. Let's all start planning our gay weddings!

All joking aside, I'm thrilled for all of my LGBT friends and family, and even the people I don't know. This is huge.

To celebrate, I jingle jangled my way to the Salt Lake City, Utah missed connections on Craigslist to see what some truly depraved people were up to.

hey you there - m4w - 40 (River Bottom) 

I have extensive experience shoveling horse shit. If this interests you, hit me up, holla back gurl.

We should have crossed paths earlier and I dropped the ball, just so I could post here, but I was traveling to a horse shit convention at the time. I thought I would give it a shot anyways.

You know what's better than cryptic inside jokes between friends? Cryptic inside jokes between strangers on Craigslist missed connections. You know what's better than that? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I was going to start questioning why a person would even bother posting this, but then here I am commenting on it and what not and then begins the introspection that we're all familiar with that just leads us to the bottom of a bottle. I'll just skip all that and concede that this person is a human brown-eye.

your chocolate 4 my vanilla - w4m - 38 (flying j slc)

You work at the Slc flyingj you came over to me and sorta flirted with me, it made my panties wet, my husband tried to find you to say you could if he could watch, let me know if you want too. This was Sunday morning

If I had a dime for every time a woman's husband told me I could nail her if he got to watch while in a Flying J, I'd have 5 dimes and a Kennedy half dollar and be the richest person inside the Flying J. Have you ever been to a Flying J? Straight out of the 70's:

It's like a shitter with a candy aisle. What a leap in the hooking up process we witnessed. They went from "sort of flirting" to "bang me while my husband watch-cries in the corner" in the span of 1 "it made my panties wet". That's gotta be some sort of record, even for a Flying J.

We had amazing sex back in February - w4m - 19 (West Jordan)

We hooked up twice and had great sex earlier this year. I lost your email and haven't been able to find you since. You were 28, 6'2 and had tattoos. If you want to hook up again with me reply with a pic and tell me the color of my hair and body type.

There's a lot of subjectivity in there. What if said tattooed 28 year old guy sees this, but he only remembers the sex as "OK" or "damp"? You will have missed each other because of the fact that you were amazed by the sex and he thought he was fucking a wet pillow. And for your body type, what if he sees you as a pear and you see yourself as an apple? Once again, true love will have fallen to the wayside. Here's my advice: never post anything on the internet again.

Cessily? Cecelia? In front of the pie hole. - m4w - 32

Friday night in front of the pie hole. You commented on my bike. I let you sit on it and I took a picture of you with your phone. You were wearing a light sleeveless top, and light skirt. You are very attractive. I should have asked you to text me the pic! (cause then I would have your number) But I make a habit of never asking for a girls numbers at a bar because it seems so cliche. But then again we were outside... So shoulda, coulda, woulda. Now I am posting here.

Never done this before, but heard of it working. So email me the pic I took of you. Or tell me about the bike or any other accessory you remember.

This guy is hilarious. He's very insistent on saying "the pie hole" which is obviously a restaurant, but COME THE FUCK ON. That's funny. He goes on to regale us with their meet cute EXCEPT he didn't get her number. And why didn't he get her number? Because he "[makes] a habit of never asking for a girls number at a bar because it seems so cliche." Buuuuuullllshiiiiiiiit. You have tiny little hamster balls. That's why you don't ask for their numbers. So stop lying to yourself and for fuck's sake, stop lying to us. We were on your side until you tried to sail that horse shit past us. (I was never on his side. He's clearly a dipshit) "Now I'm posting here." And that sums it up, doesn't it? And now he's posting here. 

That's it from Salt Lake City. Three cheers for equality! And four cheers for the Flying J!

The British are coming!

Where did the time go? We're almost at the summer solstice and my chakra has yet to align with the waxing moon as it approaches Libra. If that last sentence sounded like bullshit, it's because it was. And if you take offense because you believe in that stuff, tough shit. Tough shit for you and your bullshit beliefs. You probably also believe in fate like all the people that post on Craigslist missed connections and I WEEP FOR OUR FUTURE.

Today I'm peeping Boston to see how their crazies deal with missed connections. Not well, my friends...not well. Enjoy hearing all the posts in a Boston accent in your head.

sweetheart - w4m - 21

you work at one of my favorite bars. maybe i'm making the whole connection up in my head...because i don't doubt that you flirt a little with all your female customers since that's part of the whole bartender package.

but i feel a vibe there. i get the sense that despite your job and tattoos and all the other things that mark you a 'bad boy' or an 'alt' type...you're just sweet and a little awkward. which i like.

if nothing else, i enjoy our chats and the special concoctions you make for me.

We've all been there. The "I'm getting the feeling this bartender is in to me" vibe. It's going to happen. Their job is to try and be nice and personable to every person they come into contact with so they can maximize their tips and also because most bartenders are normal, personable people. So we can all understand why this idiot is getting that vibe, right? What I don't understand is her "bad boy" stereotyping. I thought tattoos meant someone likes tattoos. Hell, I once saw a biker with "Fuck Cops" tattooed on the back of his head and he was on his way to a prayer meeting. And what are these "other things" that make him a bad boy? The spike studded choker? The flippant way he says "You're Welcome"? Anyway, stop crushing on the bartender.

Comcast guy pissing in his van - m4m (Somerville)

You were parked on a busy street and standing next to your van with the doors open. You were looking around so nervously you had to have been taking a piss...or something else. That was bold, man.  

What's the end game, here? Do you want to meet up with the van pisser? Or did you just want to put it out into the universe that you saw a guy pissing/jerking it in his van? Either way, thanks for wasting my time. He could have been nervous for any number of reasons, which I will now list:

Reason 1) His penis was caught in his zipper and he JUST noticed.

Reason 2) He was on his phone making an illegal insider trade on some stocks.

Reason 3) He was stuffing cable into his pants, because goddamn it he's going to steal all the cable he can from Comcast while this sweet-ass gig is going on.

Reason 4) He was pissing.

Reason 5) He was jerking off.

My dog walking neighbor - m4w - 54 (Raynham)

You've been by a couple of times this week walking your dog. You looked so hot today. I would so much love for you to stop in and let me ravish that hot body of yours! I'd start by worshiping that gorgeous ass. Then I'd go wherever you wanted to take this.

Where's her dog while you're worshiping her ass, you inconsiderate prick? Figure out the dog situation, THEN we'll talk.

Sexy, fit, discreet builder makes housecalls - m4w - 39 (norwood-dedham)

Handsome and very professional.. I am great with my hands. What ever your needs, I will fix them right!!

What happens when a sexy handyman dressed in Levi's and work boots comes to address some maintenance needs of a sensual scantily-clad lady? It starts with flirting and smiles, and moves to more suggestive innuendos of interest.. hearts beat faster with anticipation of what might become, then the line is crossed as he leans in, and kisses her. She is shocked, scared, and yet also excited.. she is nervous, but needing of his touch. How will she respond?

Very discrete (yes, married) and experienced builder will come to consult you on any home repair or renovation issue you have. No pressure.. I will follow your lead. Safe (latex condoms) play only... ultra discreet.. maybe a one-time meeting.. no expectations other than secrecy. Let's chat, exchange pics, and get to know each other a bit.. and see if you might need my services!

Ha! Oh, lord, that middle part is hilarious. Save it for Penthouse Forum, you fucking lech! Hooo, what a shit bag. "yes, married" A woman can only DREAM that her husband sums up their marriage so succinctly. What's great is if someone calls him JUST for a consultation on their leaky sink. Imagine the stupid look on his fucking face when it's a man and wife answering the door and they just want to know about putting an island in their kitchen. Or someone exchanges pics. His is a picture in sexy overalls; theirs is of their cabinets they want to refinish. Can you see the look on his stupid dumb fuck face? HA! This is going to carry me to the weekend.

I hope you enjoyed our little getaway to Boston. Go out this weekend and get some sun. No one likes a pale ass to worship.