Desert Emotions Make the Best Emotions

My friends, it is a great day and I'm glad you stopped by. My enemies, YOU WILL PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD. Anyway, I popped over to the Phoenix Craigslist missed connections page to see how they get down in the desert. I can say, with all confidence, that unlike the band of the same name, they do not disappoint.

Person named "Spiffy" ??? - w4m - 2323 (MesaTempeChandler)

Does anyone know a guy named "Spiffy" around 28 to 30, yet doesn't appear that old. Brown hair and eyes, 5'10" ish, 160lbs.

Lost track last year. If anyone knows him direct him to this post.

Nice try, bounty hunter. You lost track of him, YOU FUCKING FIND HIM. But seriously, how non-descript can one person be? Only a nickname to go on, brown hair, brown eyes, 5' 10"-ish, 160 pounds and they are AROUND 28 to 30 although you'd never guess it to look at them. You just described Montana. So yeah, go look in Montana. If Spiffy isn't there, check in West Virginia.

U SELL MASSAGE DEVICE - m4m - 30 (FASHION SQUARE MALL)

I want to deep throat you... Interested?? Can be discrete... I luv to run into you in the mall during my lunch break... give me a sign. I'm very interested. I work by u...

So, I gotta ask...is saying "I want to deep throat you" something that works? Ever? It's pretty forward, in my eyes. But hey, what do I know? Malls are weird, confusing places. Maybe this shit flies at Fashion Square Mall. It sounds like he's telling him what to do when he puts "U SELL MASSAGE DEVICE." As if it's an order. "Do it! Sell massage device! Sell now!" 

BUSCO AMIGAS TENGO CURIOSIDAD - w4w

BUSCO AMIGAS ENTRE 25 Y 35 PARA
TEXTEAR SER AMIGAS Y TALVEZ CONOCERNOS MAS

MANDAME TU FOTO PLATICAME ALGO DE TI


SOLO MUJERES

NOOOO... HOMBRES
NOOOO..... TRIO

Everyone get that? Let me help you with my Spanish knowledge. This a a woman looking for curious friends. She wants friends to text and to get to know better. You send your photo and tell her something about yourself. ONLY WOMEN. NOOOOOOOOOO MEN. NOOOOOO THREESOMES. I can almost hear her saying "No men." Nooooooooooooooooo. 

TWO GIRLS IN BURGER KING PARKING LOT NEEDING MONEY TO EAT - m4w (Burger King peoria or glendale)

You were a blonde and a brunette looking for money to feed your kids....you approached my vehicle as I was going through the drive thru and sitting to park to eat. This was last summer to fall time span. I would like to see you both again. If you reply, tell me what I gave you for money that day and if you remember the color of the car I was driving. I am not sure if we were on Peoria or Glendale avenues......I think you were shocked I gave you money and left. You were both small women. If anyone might know of two girls that walk this area frequently together, pass the word this posting is here. You didnt look like the drug addict type just going through hard luck.

Can we take a minute? Just one minute to discuss this guy, please. Okay. Who THE FUCK is this person? "I would like to see you again"? Quite some time ago he gave money to two women who looked like they were down on their luck and he just can't stop thinking about them. It's mind boggling. Does he sit there talking to his friends: 

"You know who I was thinking about the other day?" 

"Oh shit. Not this again."

"Yeah. This again. Those two desperate women who were begging for change to feed their kids."

"That was almost a year ago."

"I know, but I can't stop thinking about them. They didn't look like drug addicts."

"They were probably drug addicts."

"Yeah, but they were really attractive and I feel like we'll have a lot in common."

"Both of them? You want to hook up with both of them?"

"...Well....yeah. They're desperate."

That sums it up for Phoenix. Now go, my children! Go and sell massage device! GO!