Is She Weird

It has been far too long, kittens. To make it up to you, I wrote you a haiku:

Connections are missed,
People regret their sad lives,
Albuquerque sucks.

So I cruised the Albuquerque missed connections for this week's post. Really, I was just looking for a good meth dealer, but I had no such luck.

Sexy Waitress Padillas - m4w (ABQ)

I wanted to say hello to the pretty waitress at Padillas Resturant. I saw you on Wed. April 24th. You were wearing a blue shirt with the playboy design on the front. I liked your great smile. You are very pretty and have incredible breasts. You seemed very sweet. Lets talk.

Maybe it's because I'm listening to "Picture me Rolling" right now, but I'm in a good mood and feel like giving this guy a break. I mean, we've all been right where he's sitting, wanting to say "hello" to a pretty waitress and then not actually doing it in our shitty Craigslist post. This guy has his priorities, though. Priority #1) NICE TITS. Priority #2) "You seemed very sweet." Points for being pretty tactless there, but those points are immediately withdrawn because you live in Albuquerque.

Erica at Edge Fest 2013 - m4w - 37 (The Lawn)

You danced with me, screamed about tampons, and made my night with all of your silliness. You have a 14 y/o daughter that was not there with you, but her Bff was. You had a few too many, and I wasn't sure if there was real connection, or just the spirits talking.

There's a lot to like here. She has a 14 year old daughter's friend by her drunken side as she screams about tampons and dances with strange men. Let's see who the line-up was: The Killers, Cake, Bad Religion, Minus the Bear, Shiny Toy Guns, Middle Class Rut, Youngblood Hawke, IAMDYNAMITE and Jared & The Mill. Not a bad line-up if you like shitty music. (I'm just kidding. I love Cake and I love cake and I'm just being a grouchy bastard) What I'm not getting is why this guy is questioning their chemistry. He knows she can handle her booze and is a responsible parent, so why question the magic? Just roll with it! I see fun times in your future.

Alex at Dollar Store - w4m - 22 (Juan Tabo FD)

Hey Alex, I see you all the time, I come in with my mom and my son a lot.... We always talk about the "Bowl" and how it should be smoke time.... Never have the balls to say anything to you.... I have dark Hair and glasses..... You asked "Where's the (You fill in the blank!)?"

Definatley you should know who I am by that! So let's do it, HMU, let's blaze....
You're kind cute too :)

Wow. A pothead who can't find anyone to smoke with. She must be ugly as shit or boring as shit. That's too bad for her, said no one, ever. On a side note, this "HMU" acronym took me a hot minute to figure out. For those not in the know, it means "Hit Me Up" which I believe is a term the kids use these days to say "hit me back". Anyway, back to Turd Ferguson here. She doesn't have the balls to say anything other than "Man, I wish I was smoking weed right now"? Am I reading that right? What's left to say? Unless she means the "you're kind of cute" part is what she's having trouble saying. In which case, run Alex. Run as fast and as far as you can. Or lie and say you have a girlfriend. Or don't lie and actually have a girlfriend.

Kaboom Test Labs - m4w (heights)

I saw you at kaboom this past week, and haven't been able to get you off my mind. You seem like an awesome person to get to know, you're aslo very pretty and have a great smile. I was with two friends looking for some rare cards to complete my collection of the original pokemon trading card game. If you see this write back and maybe we can get to know eachother. 

Get to know each other? What's to get to know? You collect pokemon trading cards. THE END.

Boi-your name is... - w4m (buque) 

Boi- your name is Paine

Like eyes wide open, I am in complete disdain

You took me in a moment and now there is no fret, kissing you- teasing you; it's like a string quartet

You took me by surprise, all those many, many butterflies

My big mane you did not change but moved you were, strangely, in a new vein

Well, now that you know this, trust if I didn't inform you for I would be remiss

Relinquishing my inner thoughts took some time, so utterly met with pause, fraught and begrime

Never mind my fear (I hope that's clear) it's true you are to me, so very- very inhere

:) 

I started with a poem (Trust, it's a poem) so I figured I'd end with one. This girl, or should I say "gurl" is using some SAT words left and right; begrime, inhere, buque. All good words. I'm still not sure if he surprised her like a string quartet or if the teasing is like a string quartet. It doesn't REALLY matter, because this poem is shitty and neither answer makes sense. It's shittier and less sense making than the one I spent 20 seconds on at the top of the post (FUCK YOU, IT'S A POEM). And I guess it's good this guy didn't cut her hair (change her mane), but what did he do instead (in a new vein)? This reminds me of the terrible poems I wrote in high school for English class and stopped immediately after and have not written since and NO, you cannot read my diary and I'd appreciate it if you'd put down that worn composite notebook that says "March 2013 Poems" on the cover.

Thanks for the fun times, New Mexico. Disappointed there wasn't a Gale to Walter missed connection lurking, but you can only expect so much. TAMPONS!