Fool Get a Clue

Whoa! A weekend post? This might tear a hole in space-time, but I think it's worth the risk. And even if it's not and it DOES tear a hole in space time, who's going to be around to complain. Certainly not me. And certainly not me. So here are your missed connections, New Orleans. Let's make it spicy.

I fixed your bike chain uptown around halloween - m4w - 24 (uptown )

This is a long shot but i'm going to try anyway. Last year maybe a day or so before halloween I was uptown around the way from some bar the blue moon? The blue nile? Anyway, I was fixing to get on my motorcycle when I saw you (very drunk) sitting on a stoop to my right trying to fix your bike chain. I went over to you and offered to fix your chain, and I did. You were a little drunk you asked if I could share a cigarette with you and I gave you one. I really thought you were cute but I didn't say anything because I didn't think you would remember. If your out there, i'd like to talk to you and maybe get to know you. 

Let's Encyclopedia Brown this mother fucker. First, you're talking about Halloween or there about, which is approximately 1 million days ago, give or take. And you start with "this is a long shot." This is why the phrase NO SHIT was invented. For this exact occasion. No other reason. Then you continue on, giving such precise details as "I have no idea what bar this was nearby". Congrats, both a Blue Moon and Blue Nile exist in the chocolate city. You note she was very drunk, although you revise it to "a little drunk" later. Icing on the cake: at the time, you didn't say anything because you didn't think she'd remember, YET, 27,000 days later you offer up this flaccid piece of garbage in the hopes that she will. Then you finish big with "maybe get to know you." The case is solved. You're an asshole.

Drunken Misery - w4w - 29 (deep lez of course)

You: Tall, dark, professional power lesbian in progress on spring escape from misery.
Me: Tall, trashed, burlesque academic in a little black dress asking all the wrong questions & getting to you in all the right ways.

Sorry I screamed and ran away from you. What I meant to say was: Hey, wanna go canoeing tomorrow?
Truly.
I was too drunk for a drunken hook up in that dirty bathroom. The line was too long anyway.

Meet me in Columbus for the queer burlesque festival Fierce? I'll wear dangerous gowns and you'll be perfectly dapper and we'll smear glitter all over each other all weekend long.  

Did you read all of that? Because you didn't have to. All you needed to read was the one line I underlined and the story is told. "Sorry I screamed and ran away from you." Not a day goes by that I don't scream and run away from someone when what I meant to do as ask them something like "Hey, wanna go canoeing/spelunking/oyster diving/antiquing tomorrow?" It's the bane of my existence. 

Walking down the street - m4w - 40 (Bucktown)

You were walking up the street heading from the levee. You had a black tights on. I couldn't help but to notice you and as I passed you up you smiled and said hi! Your eyes and smile are etched into my head. If for some reason you ever read this, I would love to know if you really noticed me and saw what color truck I was driving. 

So this guy wants to get in touch with the lady that carved her face into his head. I'm guessing with some dull piece of metal, but maybe it was an awl or a screwdriver or something. I think everyone should respond to this guy and say "Yes, I noticed you, because I acknowledged your existence with a 'hi!'. Your truck was black." Because that's all he really wants. To know he's been seen and that his truck is the proper color.

While our dogs play we can... - m4w - 30 (LGD )

You walk your dog every day and we have talked before in passing. You have dark hair and are very beautiful. We are both attached but you only live once right? Let that not be the reason on why we can't have some human play time ;) reply with a pic and the type of dog I have if you think its you.  

Doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouche bag.

Have a safe and happy St. Patty's Day! Be sure to scream and run away from someone so they know you like them!