The Legend of Randy

How goes it? It's a rhetorical question. I know that you're doing "good" or "fine" or whatever. Shut up. I have a story to tell you. It's about the coolest apartment manager that ever graced the face of the planet.

My roommate and I are moving. While searching we got a lot of answering machines. But one man had the fortitude to answer when we called. This man is named Randy.We arranged a time to meet. He was late. He apologized.

Randy: Sorry, I'm late. I was playing chess.

Me: Did you win?

Randy: He beat my ass. Do you know who Jim Brown is?

Inside My Brain: Uh...the greatest running back to ever play professional football, greatest lacrosse player ever and actor in such movies as the Dirty Dozen and Any Given Sunday?

Me: Yeah, I know who Jim Brown is.

Randy: That's who I was playing. He's an old golfing buddy of mine.

He's a nice guy. A very cool, African American gentleman in his mid-60's. He showed us the apartment and we liked it (and him). So he took us to his apartment to get the applications. We walk in and immediately smell something sweet in the air, almost like incense. There's leopard and tiger print every where. On the wall hangs a velvet painting of a man with an afro. There was soul music coming from the stereo in an apartment he HADN'T BEEN IN ALL DAY. So it must be assumed that this is how his apartment always is.

We go into the office (more tiger/leopard print) and he starts futzing with the applications. I look at the wall and there are pictures hanging.

Inside My Brain: Hey! That's Randy with Bill Cosby! Wait...no. That's Red Foxx. (look up at next picture) THAT'S Bill Cosby.

He had pictures with Louis Farrakahn, Sidney Poitier, Muhammad Ali and Eddie Murphy, but it's Eddie Murphy dressed in his princely get-up from Coming To America.

Turns out Randy worked security on movies and for stars back in the 70's and 80's and is exactly 100,000 times cooler than we can ever hope to be.

I've been telling this story to friends for about a week. But now there's an added part. I took the first month's rent to him and he rolls up in this amazing old car. It looked about like this:

White walls and all. He pulls up, windows down, SOUL MUSIC PLAYING.


Me: That's a really nice car.

Randy: Yeah. I've had it for about 40 years. Bought it from Jack Palance in 1975 for $600.

OF COURSE YOU FUCKING DID. I'm not even surprised. Because you're Randy; the coolest person on the planet.

We're moving in at the end of the week. Hopefully more updates to come.