Nuttin' Nis Funky

Sorry I've been away for awhile. I was moving. The next time you think about moving, DON'T. That shit is for the birds. I mean, I'm glad I moved, but I own a piano. And by the way, that apology earlier was insincere. I'm not sorry. I don't owe you shit. Anywhosits, I decided to look at the missed connections in Ann Arbor, Michigan because it's a college town and fuck it. Fuck everything.

Our eyes met on the elevator - w4m - 23 (Ypsilanti)

I slipped into the elevator as the doors were closing. You asked a girl for four please and she said Sure. but when I jumped into the elevator I got to the buttons first. I reached for the button for my floor but it was already pressed so I pressed 4. Then the elevator began to move. Our eyes met for a few brief moments and then the doors were open again and you were gone. Until next time.

Thanks for the play by play. By the way, you just described what happens to almost everyone that EVER GETS IN AN ELEVATOR. Jesus, maybe picking Ann Arbor was a mistake. This might be the most mundane shit I've ever read.

Tall guy in Kroger - w4m (Carpenter Rd.)

I originally noticed you because you were very tall and I'm drawn to tall men. Then I noticed that you looked quite impatient and were intent on the woman in front of you. Was she your wife/girlfriend/mother I wondered? As I watched you, I realized she was none of the above. You were irritated because she was pawing through the very bags of candy you so very much wanted! I giggled to myself and went about my shopping. On the way out, I noticed you were right in front of me...in fact, you got into a car kitty corner from me. I watched with amusement as you tore into that bag. The look on your face when you popped that first bite into your mouth was one of relief. You then strung out the next gooey bite and your look changed to bliss. As I pulled up beside you at the stop light, you were still gleefully popping candy into your mouth seemingly oblivious to me grinning at you. Thinking of your joyful abandon kept me smiling all the way home. You were very cute and I'm thinking that if you approach every endeavor with such passion you're likely a very interesting individual! 

Correction; THIS is the most mundane shit ever. I guess it's amusing because of the detail she puts into describing a guy jizzing all over himself for candy. "I'm drawn to tall men." Being a tall guy, I can tell you that you're drawn to us because we have more mass and that's how gravity works. And when she's talking about the woman in front of him, the range of possible relationships she gives is fucking ridiculous. "There was a woman in front of you. She was anywhere from 30 - 60 years old. Either way, you have some sort of relationship with her quim." But no, she was just some random lady preventing him from jacking off into a pile of candy. I find it odd that this girls sees this guy eating candy like a heroin addict getting a fix and sees passion and is intrigued. Maybe she was pretending the candy was her vagina.

Monica - m4w - 21 (Ypsilanti )

You use to or may still work at the palm palace on carpenter and you moved into the meadows with your sis in Ypsilanti. You use to work at a club before you got pregnant. Just wondering if we could go back to wat we had going me helping you out with Roses 

For those not in the know, "helping you out with Roses" means "paying you for sex." On Craigslist personals (missed connections counts as personals) "roses" or "kisses" is pretty standard code. I know this ONLY BECAUSE I've been blogging on this shit for years not because I've paid for sex or have been solicited for sex so stop thinking that right now. Stop. STOP. As I started reading this, I thought "Oh he's just trying to connect with an old friend." He sure knows a lot about her personal life. But no... no. He wants to pay her for sex.

u know ashlee leeson? - w4m (ann arbor)

hey u know ashlee leeson?
she use to hang out here adn mebbe send nekkid pics
tel me wht u now

This made me laugh. Because I almost answered the question out loud. No, I don't know Ashlee Leeson. "she use to hang out here..." She used to hang out here. Ha. Like Craigslist missed connections is an arcade or a bar. "Yeah! Ashlee! I remember her. She used to sit over by the "Reply" button and show everyone her tits." "tel me wht u now" I don't know what's sadder; that this person managed to type this sentence and post it and somehow breath air at the same time or that I completely understand what they're asking.

Until next time, folks. Go buy some cheap Easter candy. What you do with it is your business.