Do Ya Like it Dirty?

Look who came crawling back. It's me. Please take me back, baby! No? Fuck it. I'm going back to my roots for today's missed connections. That's right, Dallas. You're in my sights, and your missed connections are like the broad side of a barn...or someone from Houston's ass.

Liftime - m4m (Allen)

You blue shorts and glasses...we were in stretching area together...maybe work out together sometime? Please give details.

Part of me really wishes there was a gym actually called "Liftime". It'd be pretty clever. This post seems like it's just a solicitation for a workout partner. "maybe work out together sometime?" Here's the details:

10 Jumping Jacks

20 Push-ups

30 Weighted Lunges

40 Pull-ups

50 Go Home and Cries Because You're Sad

You'll be fit in no time. But still lonely.

April with life size Angel wings back tatoo - m4w - 99 (dfw)

April,We have met twice through Jade Nicoles introduction last July 2011. Hope we could meet again. Have a lovely day!
April, please mention this phrase when you reply "..lol..you're funny..you know that..they change red when i wear red..they change hazel when i wear hazel". Thanks.
T

Are those life size? Really, how big are angel wings in real life? 6 inches across seems about right, but we may never know. It reminds me of the David Cross bit about roads in heaven. Anyway, moving past that, this guy is carrying a torch for this twice met girl. July of 2011? Might as well be July of 1492, because that fucking ship has sailed. Keep plugging away. The best part, though, is that he asks that she mention a phrase that he proceeds to post IN ITS ENTIRETY. I assume the "T" he signed off with stands for "this guy is dumb as shit".

My sex teacher - m4w - 25

 I replied to your post. After emails back and forth you told me you wanted to teach me and take my virginity. You spoke with your husband and he was ok with it. In fact he was going to tell me what to do over the phone while we played.

I never got the courage to go and I'm regretting it now.
My email account go deleted so I have no way of speaking to you.
If you're out there respond. I'm still a virgin and waiting. 

Oof. Where to begin? Ok. Listen, 25 Year Old Virgin Guy. We know her husband was okay with it. He was going to tell you how to diddle his wife over the phone. I don't know if these were to be specific diddling instructions. Possibly more general? "Okay, now put your penis...your penis...yes. Put it in her vagina. Her vagina...vagina...fine, her ass." So we get that he's okay with it. The question, for me at least, is why YOU were okay with this. Don't regret this shit. You don't want your first time to be with some older lady with a huge nasty bush who's husband is giving you a play by play of what to do. How would that even work? Bluetooth? Fuck it. Stay a virgin. Forever. Or come on here and find literally HUNDREDS of desperate people looking to bone you.

Bikinis Sports Bar last night - m4w - 23 (dallas)

To the gorgeous blonde in the red with the cowboy hat. I wish I could have stuck around a bit longer. You are gorgeous. Hope to see you again. Lets go hunting.

Thank you, Texas! How many stereotypes can we fit in one post? Hey, gorgeous blonde in a cowboy hat, "Let's go hunting" All he had to do was mention his truck or some sort of bovine for the hat trick. Fuck, man.

I could spend all day ribbing Dallas, and Texas in general, but I'm a busy guy. I will say this, though; there are many lonely, older guys in Dallas. And remember: always workout with a partner. It's safer and less lonely that way.