Peanut Hakeem

Before you ask, Coachella was fun. I saw many a missed connection happening. And I saw a girl doing coke. Definitely saw a girl doing coke. But that's just how festivals are, I guess. Music, missed connections, coke, and delicious, delicious arepas. Another special request has sent me scouring the Omaha, NE missed connections. I think I struck gold (corn)!

Side note: When I hear "Omaha" I think about what my dad would always say when we asked him where he was going: "To Omaha, to get a load of hogs."

Billy frogs 4/15 or 4/16 - w4m - 29 (Omaha )

My friend and I came in tonight. We made eye contact a few times... I offered you her drink and you went to the other table!!! What kind of drink did I offer you? Put it in the subject line and I'll reply :). You were too cute to go with that dark girl!! 

I'm so confused right now. She offered this guy her friend's drink (bitch move) and the guy went to another table (smart move)...so what is this? Does that mean he snubbed/rejected her and she still thinks they might have something? Then there's the racist undertones at the end. Not to mention this lady can't remember if she saw the guy last night or...tonight.

Nap Jerking - m4w - 39

You fell asleep while I was holding you by your hair, while it's not my favorite outcome, I can't think of a better way to doze off.

You've told me the nap jerk is always interesting at times such as that, can't wait to jerk it again, maybe when we have more awake time ;)

And with this, I have decided that people in Omaha are simply confusing. Nap jerk? I'll need to ask my friend in Omaha what this is, because all I'm piecing together in the ol' noggin is jerking someone off before, during or after a nap. Or jerking off while someone else is taking a nap.You know what? These people can go fuck themselves. "while it's not my favorite outcome" So it's not your favorite outcome, but you can't think of a better way to doze off? What does that make your favorite? Who's favorite thing is second best in their own opinion? SOMEONE FROM OMAHA, APPARENTLY.

You look confused. Are you OK? - m4w (Papillion)

I saw you driving by my house this afternoon in your dirty black Nissan Altima (Nebraska SIA 320) and you look confused. You should stop smoking and wash your car. The physical activity will do you good, and you'll feel better about yourself. Stop by, knock on my door and say hello! I'd enjoy talking to you.

HA...oh, man. Ha. This guy is a fucking GEM. "You look confused. Are you OK?" That's the name of the funk album I'm releasing in September. Until I got to the end, I thought he was just railing on this girl. YOU SHOULD STOP SMOKING AND WASH YOUR CAR. It has to be Asperger's, right? His plan of attack is interesting, though. "I'll insult this girl, not once, but twice and then be really friendly and tell her to 'Stop by, knock on my door and say hello! I'd enjoy talking to you.' She'll never see it coming!" Ha....you'll feel better about yourself. So awkward. SO GOLD.

Red shirt - blue jeans - pretty smile - m4w (McDonald's in Papillion)

I saw you sitting with a man at the McDonald's in Papillion this morning around 9 AM. I think you are gorgeous. You looked so pretty in your red sweatshirt and blue jeans. You have a smile that you can see from the moon, and I love the way your blue eyes sparkle. I'd love to get to know you better and fall in love with you. Was that a wedding ring I saw on your pretty fingers? Doesn't matter.

-Your secret admirer  

This one, in and of itself, isn't that interesting. I mean, the guy is pathetic, obviously. "Was that a wedding ring I saw on your pretty fingers? Doesn't matter." That solidifies it, right? No doubt this guy is a Class A Douche Bag, the "A" standing for "asshole". Class Asshole Douche Bag. Classhole Douche Bag. I'll work on it. Anyway, in case there's any doubt there's also this:

Pretty lady in white Mercedes - m4w (Papillion)

I see you driving your white Mercedes every day in Papillion and I think you are so attractive and sexy. I'd love to get to know you better and fall in love with you. I love your brown hair and pretty eyes. How about a cup of coffee and some humorous conversation...for starters?

-Your secret admirer 

How's that grab you? This guy just leveled up. He's now a Class Asshole Douche Bag Missed Connections Whore. That's the equivalent of two Donald Trumps and a Paris Hilton.

  

Hope your week is going well. I hope we can meet soon and I can fall in love with you.

- Your secret admirer/dickwad