Packet Man

It's been a busy week for you. I can tell. Look at those bags under your eyes. Well, I have just the cure: cucumber slices. But before you put a fucking vegetable on your face, read my missed connections blog. In honor of my trip to Coachella this weekend, I'm hitting up Palm Springs. Yeah, it's not actually Indio, but neither are you, cucumber face.

Seeking horny women over 30 for fun time - m4w - 60 (palm springs)

Your pic gets mine...ladies must be fit, drug and disease free and very open minded... 

"very open minded" can only mean one of two things:

Thing 1) Diaper play

Thing 2) 60 year old, dirty balls.

Get on it, ladies.

stunning blonde at LAMPS PLUS - m4w (Lamps Plus)

You got there just as they closed and i was last customer to leave - beautiful package - nice heels, nice long legs, pretty blue dress with nice blonde hair and a beautiful face - i need to see you again - nothing expected - only a nice dinner to watch you make heads turn - hope i can find you here. 

You fool! You know where she's going to be. LAMPS PLUS, MOTHER FUCKER. You should have been chivalrous and just given her whatever lamp you bought. I'm assuming it was a table lamp or a pendant light. Perhaps a nice sconce? Or maybe this little fella:

At any rate, saying you NEED to see someone and then saying nothing expected is, to coin a phrase, really fucking stupid.

WARNING: This next bit is NSFW...or anytime, really.

Carl's Jr. Drive Thru - w4m - 24 (Palm Springs)

I drove through tonight on a whim and you were so damn cute!
You had thick black glasses and an amazing smile. I just wanted to tell you how adorable you are and I would love to go out sometime.

Email me back :] 

 

Do it, Carl's Jr. Drive Thru Guy! Think about it! If she's this forward on a Craigslist posting, imagine how forward she'll be in a dimly lit dungeon! And look at those sausage fingers! Imagine getting a massage from those and then vomiting because you're sick with self-hatred! And that dress! You could have sex with a gross lady AND reupholster your grandmother's couch, all in one go! DO IT. On a side note, she said she drove through on a "whim." Me thinks the whim was she skipped second breakfast or elevensies or her sausage fingers were starting to look human again.

smoked a blunt outside barracks - m4m - 37 (cat city)

I took a hit off a fine ass latino trojan man. my class was a bit ahead of yours. had shake in my pocket, that made u kinda giggle. we shared a blunt that got me all hooked up for the night in the pizza place parking lot just a short walk away. your og cush is way too potent for me. Next time give me just a drag then you go to work on it slowly - real slow - smoke that sweet weed down to the finger burn while I smoke your flesh on my knees. Good to the last drop next time, i owe u that bro; damn sweet cush! I think you're so fine.

Boy, there sure is a lot of sexual innuendo in this post. I mean he could just come out and say OH AND THERE IT IS. I guess innuendo is preferable to this type of thing:

jack in the box dillon rd. coachella - m4m (coachella)

stopped at jack in the box this morning off of hwy 86 Coachella saw this hot guy putting ice in the coke machine if u see this I would love to suck ur cock and fuck  

See? No mystery. No wit. Just "Nice ice pouring. Let's fuck." Where's the romance, stranger?!? 

That about does it. I'll see you guys on the flip-side. Or if you're lucky, I'll see you at Coachella. Either way, when I get back, I'm applying to work at the drive thru at Carl's Jr. so I can hit up some of that sweet sausage finger, floral print wearin' lovin'.