April Showers

By special request, today's missed connections are coming straight from Lexington, Kentucky. I don't know shit about Kentucky, so I looked up some fun facts.

Fact 1) Lexington, Kentucky is known as the "Horse Capital of the World".

Fact 2) All the facts about Kentucky suck.

Seriously, I just went on a Fun Fact Finding Mission and came back with no fun and a little bit of a headache. Let's see if the shitbirds on Craigslist are more entertaining.

Monday Birthday Girl - m4w (Bardstown)

You and your friend were out partying for your birthday (?). I thought you were very sexy. You asked me to take your picture with your phone and I did. If you are interested in meeting up send me a note. Include where and when and if you want, send me the pic that I took of you two.  

Ugh. Fucking Kentuckians, am I right? I love it when people add question marks after they've stated something. Was it her birthday? Who gives a shit? Why bother waffling on it and seeming unsure? "You asked me to take your picture..." This reminds me of a conversation I had recently. Does anyone, when asked to take a picture, EVER say no? I think not. But I'm glad he told us that he did, in fact (fun fact!), take the picture. "Send me a note." Yeah. Get out that stationary you never use, dip your quill into the inkwell and scribble out a note for this asshole. Send me a note? Uuuuuuuuugh. And if you want, BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT, send this guy the picture that he took for you. Because that's fucking normal.

we crossed paths at the shell and walmart on Nicholasville and Manowar - m4m - 34 (Lexington, KY)

I think you were driving a grey Nissan ... you were going into the Shell as I was headed back to the car ... and then you were buying Resolve at Walmart ... tell me what I had on and send me a face picture to confirm it is you ... maybe we could meet sometime ... hope you see this 

Alright, dude. Don't do the "I think you were driving" blah blah blah. You can't pretend to play it cool and then mention what the lady was buying at Walmart. Also, I'm fed up with the fucking vetting process people on Craigslist post. Tell me what I had on. What was I driving? When am I usually outside your window on Tuesday nights? You're fucking desperate; don't make people jump through hoops.

What might have been (Right here )

Everything came to an abrupt stop for us. :(
You took it well, even being around each other you treat me like nothing ever happened between.

You went back to your ex, I'm stuck with my current

I know I shouldn't think about it, but I miss our talks, the way you touch me, and running my hands thru your curly hair!

Never did get to listen to you ______
I enjoy watching you _____ ____ while you work ;)

(You feel in the blank so I know it's you)  

This is pretty great. Forget the immensity of this guy's douche-ness as he uses the phrase "stuck" when describing his current relationship.  "What might have been (Right here)" Dude, you are SOOOOO FUCKING LAME. And to convey the gravitas, the truly deep emotions this man is feeling, he added that frowny face at the end of the first sentence. See that little guy there? It means he's sad. :( You FEEL in the blank. You gotta feel it in. I don't know if that's a typo or if this guy is a fucking genius. Regardless, I feel that he never got her to listen to Rammstein. And he enjoys watching her shit uncontrollably while she works. You know, because diarrhea. 

the lady next door - m4w - 33 (lexington )

i dont know why im writing this but oh well.You stay across from me i dont know your name but i can say you make me smile every time i see you walking your dog im a blk male and you are a wht female dont know if you are married or have a man i just want to tell you that your are gorgeous 

You don't know her name, you don't know her relationship status and you don't know why you're writing this. At this point, I think we can assume you don't know jack shit and would have trouble distinguishing your ass from a hole in the ground. (Hint: Your baseball coach wasn't interested in the hole in the ground. Over the line? THERE IS NO LINE.) Let's touch on this little bit though: "i dont know why im writing this..." I'm calling bullshit, you fucking letch. You know exactly why you're writing this. It's because you see the lady walking her dog and you want to plow her, but you don't have the balls to tell her to her face so the only way you can put it out into the universe is to sit at your computer like a loser and type something in the hopes that someone reads it and finds value in your words and you can make a connection oh holy shit I'm talking about myself now, aren't I? Eeeeee....awkward.

See you guys later. Don't forget to feel in the __________.