Heartbeat Props

What a St. Patrick's Day that was! There was drinking and much revelry, making it not much different than any other weekend because I'M AWESOME AT LIFE. In honor of St. Patrick's Day I'm bagging on missed connections from that magical city where they dye the river green. Did you say Boston? No, that would make more sense. I picked Chicago...

You are gorgeous, and polish - m4w (Smoke zone)

I was in smoke zone tonight and you were working. We were talking as you were about to vacum. You said you weren't from here and that you were polish. I told you that I was also polish. I asked you if you spoke polish and you said yes. You are so gorgeous! Your beauty left me at a loss for words. I highly doubt a woman with your beauty is single. Or if you will see this. If you do see this I would love to take you out and get to know you. If you see this tell me what I bought or what I have tattooed on my arms so I know it's you. Damn your hot!!!!!!! 

First, SMOKE ZONE. Second, this is going to be a grammar rant, because FUCK IT. Grammar point 1) Capitalize Polish. Because when you don't I think you're talking about polish. I understand what you mean, but do me this kindness. And as far as a woman who is beautiful being single is concerned, I'll tell you what my brother always tells me: "No matter how beautiful a woman is, somewhere, someone is sick of her shit." So keep that in mind, Bro-mancing the Stone. Grammar point 2) Your. You're. It makes a difference. It really does. Because "Damn you're hot!!!!!!!" is an expression of how hot this lady is. "Damn your hot!!!!!!!" tells us that you're cursing her hot. Like her hot killed your dog. 

CALIFORNIA/MILWAUKEE GROCERY STORE - m4w - 35 (BUCKTOWN)

Hi! my name is Rene Conteras , i was shoping at the spanish grocery store for some dinner items and you were doing your own shopping you are blond with short hair i was wareing a stripe blue white and black shirt we kinda kept running into each other in the store i really wanted to talk to you and ask you your name but i was to shy to ask , i just want you to know you are the most adoreable being i have ever seen , my name is Rene i would very much like to make your aqantence, it would make me so happy to here from you . 

 

Look how thoughtful this mother fucker looks. LOOK AT IT. Is he about to recite poetry? Maybe stun you with his theories on modern art? Oh, wait. No. I just reread his typo riddled post and he's an idiot. He also says he's from "Bucktown" which I can only assume is another typo.(Fucktown, people. If I have to explain all my jokes, this will take all day.) He has so many typos, I'm doubting he spelled his name correctly. He put a period at the end. He put a fucking period at the end. God's speed, you fucking dunce.

 

My God....Whats wrong with me :( - w4m

I'm so infatuated with you and your such a jerk. I need to kick myself in the ass and wake the hell up.

Bitch, this ain't facebook. You're supposed to type obscure shit, but it's supposed to be obscure AND desperate. Get with the program.

Tom, we met for breast play - w4m - 25 (crystal lake)

We met at the train station. I think you are 36-38. Do you remember me? I'd really like to get in touch with you! Please email me back! 

"I'd really like to get in touch with you!" Hahahahaha. Oh, man. You get it? BREAST PLAY?!?! TOUCH?!?! Ha. Why would he go back to the same udder twice? He got what he wanted the first time you met. 

Until next we meet. Stay happy and remember, Rene Conteras is somehwere thinkin' 'bout you.