Manly Liquid

This post won't take a minute. Just hear me out. I was in front of a 7-11 last night, never mind why, and I saw a sign in the window. And it went a little something like this:

When Dr. Pepper Ten first came out, i thought it was pretty lame. "Soda for MEN!" So they made more sodas for men. Because men like variety...and things with 10 calories. And I guess that's what I don't understand. Is there something specifically manly about there being 10 calories in a soda? And what the fuck is in the soda that makes it 10 calories?

Dr. Pepper Big Wig: How are our new 0 calorie sodas coming?

Dr. Pepper Scientist: Not good, sir. We can only get them down to 10 calories...

Dr. Pepper Big Wig: What?!

Dr. Pepper Scientist: Sorry, sir. We've tried everything, but we can't get rid of the last ten calories. They simply have too much flavor.

Dr. Pepper Big Wig: Goddamn it! We can't market a fucking soft drink as having zero calories if it has 10 calories! Get them down to zero!

Dr. Pepper Scientist: It can't be done, sir.

Dr. Pepper Big Wig: We can fake putting men on the moon*, but we can't make a zero calorie soda? Well, fuck it, then. Fuck it! We'll just pretend like having 10 calories is more manly. Yeah....YEAH! We'll make it seem like 140 calories is for fat, worthless assholes and zero calories is for women and queers.

Dr. Pepper Scientist: Oh, wait. Coke Zero has zero calories. We'll just copy their-

Dr. Pepper Big Wig: No! It's too late for that. We already have this amazing marketing campaign. Besides, zero calories is for women and queers.

Aaaaaand, SCENE.

*I don't actually believe that Dr. Pepper faked putting men on the moon. They don't have the technology.