Here Comes Your Man

Is it Friday, yet? Oh...it is. Well then, we can dispense with the cliches and get down to business. I chose Portland, Oregon for today's missed connections. I was there once and it was beautiful. But this was pre-hipster take over. I haven't been back, but I'm assuming they ruined it. They ruin everything...

Young bank clerk-US Bank - m4w - 31 (wilsonville)

I stop in regularly (today included) and find you very attractive. Young, cute, outgoing with a bubbly personality. I'm sorry I don't remember your name..

I doubt you will see this...

I think your ass is amazing! The last time I came in you helped me out. I couldn't keep my eyes off of that sexy round ass you have. All I could think about is pulling up that sexy long green dress of yours and bending you over right then and there.

Maybe we could set up something soon...

Tell me what you were wearing today and what I was driving ;)

This guy M. Night Shamalamadingdonged the fuck out of me. He starts out so mild mannered. Then "I doubt you will see this..." Then he just goes OFF. It's akin to a 7 year old dropping an f-bomb the minute his parents leave the room. It's literally the next thing this douche-monger says after he admits the girl won't see it. Then he kicks it up a notch. And by "kicks it up a notch" I, of course, mean he gets the rapey vibe going. He apologizes for not remembering her name, yet nary an apology for drooling over her ass. "Tell me what you were wearing..." Was it a green dress? A sexy long green dress? And you were driving the Rape Mobile! Rape Man....AWAY!

Where is Tony Mitchell - w4m - 40 (SE PDX)

Lost touch with you, seen you on PDXMUGSHOTS. In town and thought we might meet for a drink and catch up. email me even if you just know Tony or how I can get in touch with him. Thanks. 

Want to see what ol' Tony Mitchell looks like? Of course you do. http://pdxmugshots.com/mug/anthony-boyd-mitchell-23. There you go. And I know where he is AND how you can get in touch with him, Lady With Terrible Judgement. Everyone does. HE'S IN FUCKING JAIL. Says it right there on the website. GO VISIT HIM IN FUCKING JAIL. You're welcome.

Freeze tag - m4w - 32 (Kenton)

The year was 1997, we were playing freeze tag. Please come back and unfreeze me. I want to live this life.

In no way real or a missed connection, but hilarious.

Smokin' Hot Chick w/tattoos in the Steam Room-beautiful - m4w - 29 ( SE McLoughlin Blvd Portland‎ )

I wasn't feeling ontop of my game and wow this smokin' hot chick just Came in the steam room with me and I thought she seemed like she could be awesome and maybe the coolest chick ever.... Idk.... I would be surprised if someone as classy as her would read this but who knows maybe someone reads it and points it out to her and if she remembers me and thought I was cute too then I would truly luv craigslist for the hook otherwise fuck craigslist....

If u r interested then email me and I will take u out for an amazing time!

"She could be awesome and maybe the coolest chick ever..." This guy is projecting a lot onto this girl. Dude, she wasn't really smoking hot. That was just steam. HI-YO! I need to take this shit show on the road with jokes like that! Anyway, he's an idiot with perhaps the best sign off ever. "I would truly luv craigslist for the hook otherwise fuck craigslist...." Ha! "Oh, man! If you could help me that would be so awesome. You can't? FUCK YOU THEN."

A million to one long shot - m4w (Salem/portland)

OK, I know this is a long shot, but what the hell, I've got nothing to lose. In July of 2012 I saw the musician Paul Thorn play at one of the McMinnimans in Portland. You were the beautiful young lady with light brown hair (a touch of red maybe) wearing a white dress, off the shoulder with a flower print and cowboy boots. During one song you went to the front of the stage and began dancing. You waved me over and we danced to a couple of songs then you returned to your friends. After the show I approached you but just then a guy walked up and started talking to you. It looked like you were there together. He was short, dark black hair, mustache/goatee, and wearing a grey suit. We said hi and how much we enjoyed the show while waiting to meet Paul, your companion kept his eye on you. I just wanted to say that was the most fun I'd had in years and I'd love the chance to talk to you, buy you a drink or lunch, and talk. Paul's band is performing in Salem this July and I'm looking forward to seeing them play again. 

Jesus Christ on a unicycle. What in the F is wrong with people? I'm seriously asking. It's not just the staggering amount of detail this turd poured into this post, although it's fucking criminal. It's the fact that it has been 9 months and he's still holding out hope. Human beings have been conceived and born in the time it took this guy to get enough courage (or be desperate enough) to post a missed connection. MOVE ON. A million to one long shot? No. That would be running on the assumption that there's even the tiniest of chances this will not only be seen by the girl, but that she'll respond. I have a better chance of accidentally meeting this girl...on a plane...that goes off course...and somehow ends up on the moon where we live out the rest of our lives on the airline's peanuts and we start our own moon culture and discover that there are actually beings who live on the moon called "Moonites" or "Moonies" and they miraculously speak English and also enjoy the musical stylings of Paul fucking Thorn. Rant over.

So there we go. Thanks for the memories, Portland. I hope all my readers don't stay frozen...live this life.

Mind Bubble

Wednesday is here, and I'M here to remind you that it's Wednesday. See, calendars? You don't feel so important anymore, do you!?? Ooooh, man do I feel insane this morning. But maybe that's because I've been looking at missed connections in Baltimore for the past 1 minutes. Like they say, a minute in Baltimore is like a minute in Tuscon. See? Insane. But not nearly as insane as these people...

Subway - m4w - 39 (Owings Mills)

You just finished ordering your lunch as I begin to order mine. You asked if the sandwich I was getting was any good as you had wanted to try it but have yet to do so. I answered and asked what you were having as I paid for mine. Yours looked delicious! We exchanged a pleasant goodbye as we kept our day moving along. Perhaps we can continue our short conversation and share a couple of laughs together? Name the sandwiches in the subject line so I know it's you.

Oh, Subway. You're like the Cupid of the modern age. "Yours looked delicious!" Calm down there, stabby. You're going to scare her away before she even gets in the back of your van. Then how will you continue your short conversation about sandwiches? Seriously, though, what is left to be said? "My sandwich was tasty...WHELP! All caught up! Glad we reconnected." Name the sandwiches, he says. Name. The Sandwiches. Le sigh...

Where we went wrong - m4w - 28

It's been a week since we last saw each other. I doubt we will see each other again. I have done alot of thinking over the week. I have pin pointed what went wrong with us. It was my medications. I was mean and nasty before them but never violent. I just wish we both noticed that the meds were the problem. I haven't taken two of them since that day. And I feel great! Not a crazy thought about what you may be doing or anything. Just relaxed and focused on the task at hand. If you happen to read this, know that I am serious. I have had no urge to drink, play cards, or even get angry at anything. I have a felted the fact that I may never see you again or be with you. It hurts but it's what's best for you. It feels really good to have my head straight again! It just happened a little too late.

IT WAS MY MEDICATIONS. I did not see that coming. And I know we're not supposed to laugh at (what I'm presuming is) mental illness, but this post is hilarious. Look, lady, he's not having any more crazy thoughts about what you might be doing or anything and he just wants you to know that and know that he's focused on the task at hand which is completing his life sized replica of you made from human feces. And now, I present to you the greatest sentence ever typed: "I have no urge to drink, play cars, or even get angry at anything." We can all stop writing now. There's really no need to continue, because no one is ever going to say anything remotely as cogent or entertaining ever again. 

I need money ASAP!! - w4m - 18 (Baltimore, MD.)

Hi. I am an Black 18 year old who needs $140 by 9 o clock tonight in order to keep my apartment. I live with my sister and her son so you would have to host. I would of course do something for you in return whether it be a date, pics, ect... YOU MUST LIKE BBW'S! If you can offer at least $90 that would be fine. Respond ASAP through email if you are interested. Your pics get mine. Age and Race doesn't matter.

Guys, these posts are getting exponentially better. I don't even know what to say about this one. She needs $140 by 9 o'clock, but if you can offer at least $90 that would be fine. Excellent. And you gotta like 'em plump. You have to. There's no other way this is going to work. And OF COURSE she would give you something in return. I mean, you're not just GIVING her the money. She'll be your date, or send you pictures or even ECT. And in case you were thinking "But I'm a 54 year old Inuit. No way she'll take my money." Fear not! Age and race do NOT matter. She's desperate AND open-minded.

 You live upstairs and I shouldn't be writing this - m4w (CV)

You moved in upstairs about a month ago now... we haven't seen much of each other. That's probably how it should be, but definitely not how I'd like it.

I'll be leaving soon, but if you want to... make some mistakes... before I do, you know exactly how to find me. How do I know? Well, Comcast made sure of that, didn't they..? 

Here we go. Right here. The fucking night cap on these crazy posts. "I shouldn't be writing this" It's true, but not for the reasons he's thinking. Is he coming across as crazy to anyone else? ANYONE? No? Fine. "That's probably how it should be" Why? What's going to happen if you see more of her, you crazy asshole? "you know exactly how to find me." YOU LIVE DOWNSTAIRS. IN THE SAME BUILDING. What did Comcast do to you? Show me on the post where they touched you. Then tell me what I'm wearing so I know it's you.

I'm spent. I could write a thesis on these weirdos in Baltimore. See you later. And do everyone a favor and get back on your meds.

Do Ya Like it Dirty?

Look who came crawling back. It's me. Please take me back, baby! No? Fuck it. I'm going back to my roots for today's missed connections. That's right, Dallas. You're in my sights, and your missed connections are like the broad side of a barn...or someone from Houston's ass.

Liftime - m4m (Allen)

You blue shorts and glasses...we were in stretching area together...maybe work out together sometime? Please give details.

Part of me really wishes there was a gym actually called "Liftime". It'd be pretty clever. This post seems like it's just a solicitation for a workout partner. "maybe work out together sometime?" Here's the details:

10 Jumping Jacks

20 Push-ups

30 Weighted Lunges

40 Pull-ups

50 Go Home and Cries Because You're Sad

You'll be fit in no time. But still lonely.

April with life size Angel wings back tatoo - m4w - 99 (dfw)

April,We have met twice through Jade Nicoles introduction last July 2011. Hope we could meet again. Have a lovely day!
April, please mention this phrase when you reply "..lol..you're funny..you know that..they change red when i wear red..they change hazel when i wear hazel". Thanks.
T

Are those life size? Really, how big are angel wings in real life? 6 inches across seems about right, but we may never know. It reminds me of the David Cross bit about roads in heaven. Anyway, moving past that, this guy is carrying a torch for this twice met girl. July of 2011? Might as well be July of 1492, because that fucking ship has sailed. Keep plugging away. The best part, though, is that he asks that she mention a phrase that he proceeds to post IN ITS ENTIRETY. I assume the "T" he signed off with stands for "this guy is dumb as shit".

My sex teacher - m4w - 25

 I replied to your post. After emails back and forth you told me you wanted to teach me and take my virginity. You spoke with your husband and he was ok with it. In fact he was going to tell me what to do over the phone while we played.

I never got the courage to go and I'm regretting it now.
My email account go deleted so I have no way of speaking to you.
If you're out there respond. I'm still a virgin and waiting. 

Oof. Where to begin? Ok. Listen, 25 Year Old Virgin Guy. We know her husband was okay with it. He was going to tell you how to diddle his wife over the phone. I don't know if these were to be specific diddling instructions. Possibly more general? "Okay, now put your penis...your penis...yes. Put it in her vagina. Her vagina...vagina...fine, her ass." So we get that he's okay with it. The question, for me at least, is why YOU were okay with this. Don't regret this shit. You don't want your first time to be with some older lady with a huge nasty bush who's husband is giving you a play by play of what to do. How would that even work? Bluetooth? Fuck it. Stay a virgin. Forever. Or come on here and find literally HUNDREDS of desperate people looking to bone you.

Bikinis Sports Bar last night - m4w - 23 (dallas)

To the gorgeous blonde in the red with the cowboy hat. I wish I could have stuck around a bit longer. You are gorgeous. Hope to see you again. Lets go hunting.

Thank you, Texas! How many stereotypes can we fit in one post? Hey, gorgeous blonde in a cowboy hat, "Let's go hunting" All he had to do was mention his truck or some sort of bovine for the hat trick. Fuck, man.

I could spend all day ribbing Dallas, and Texas in general, but I'm a busy guy. I will say this, though; there are many lonely, older guys in Dallas. And remember: always workout with a partner. It's safer and less lonely that way.

Peanut Hakeem

Before you ask, Coachella was fun. I saw many a missed connection happening. And I saw a girl doing coke. Definitely saw a girl doing coke. But that's just how festivals are, I guess. Music, missed connections, coke, and delicious, delicious arepas. Another special request has sent me scouring the Omaha, NE missed connections. I think I struck gold (corn)!

Side note: When I hear "Omaha" I think about what my dad would always say when we asked him where he was going: "To Omaha, to get a load of hogs."

Billy frogs 4/15 or 4/16 - w4m - 29 (Omaha )

My friend and I came in tonight. We made eye contact a few times... I offered you her drink and you went to the other table!!! What kind of drink did I offer you? Put it in the subject line and I'll reply :). You were too cute to go with that dark girl!! 

I'm so confused right now. She offered this guy her friend's drink (bitch move) and the guy went to another table (smart move)...so what is this? Does that mean he snubbed/rejected her and she still thinks they might have something? Then there's the racist undertones at the end. Not to mention this lady can't remember if she saw the guy last night or...tonight.

Nap Jerking - m4w - 39

You fell asleep while I was holding you by your hair, while it's not my favorite outcome, I can't think of a better way to doze off.

You've told me the nap jerk is always interesting at times such as that, can't wait to jerk it again, maybe when we have more awake time ;)

And with this, I have decided that people in Omaha are simply confusing. Nap jerk? I'll need to ask my friend in Omaha what this is, because all I'm piecing together in the ol' noggin is jerking someone off before, during or after a nap. Or jerking off while someone else is taking a nap.You know what? These people can go fuck themselves. "while it's not my favorite outcome" So it's not your favorite outcome, but you can't think of a better way to doze off? What does that make your favorite? Who's favorite thing is second best in their own opinion? SOMEONE FROM OMAHA, APPARENTLY.

You look confused. Are you OK? - m4w (Papillion)

I saw you driving by my house this afternoon in your dirty black Nissan Altima (Nebraska SIA 320) and you look confused. You should stop smoking and wash your car. The physical activity will do you good, and you'll feel better about yourself. Stop by, knock on my door and say hello! I'd enjoy talking to you.

HA...oh, man. Ha. This guy is a fucking GEM. "You look confused. Are you OK?" That's the name of the funk album I'm releasing in September. Until I got to the end, I thought he was just railing on this girl. YOU SHOULD STOP SMOKING AND WASH YOUR CAR. It has to be Asperger's, right? His plan of attack is interesting, though. "I'll insult this girl, not once, but twice and then be really friendly and tell her to 'Stop by, knock on my door and say hello! I'd enjoy talking to you.' She'll never see it coming!" Ha....you'll feel better about yourself. So awkward. SO GOLD.

Red shirt - blue jeans - pretty smile - m4w (McDonald's in Papillion)

I saw you sitting with a man at the McDonald's in Papillion this morning around 9 AM. I think you are gorgeous. You looked so pretty in your red sweatshirt and blue jeans. You have a smile that you can see from the moon, and I love the way your blue eyes sparkle. I'd love to get to know you better and fall in love with you. Was that a wedding ring I saw on your pretty fingers? Doesn't matter.

-Your secret admirer  

This one, in and of itself, isn't that interesting. I mean, the guy is pathetic, obviously. "Was that a wedding ring I saw on your pretty fingers? Doesn't matter." That solidifies it, right? No doubt this guy is a Class A Douche Bag, the "A" standing for "asshole". Class Asshole Douche Bag. Classhole Douche Bag. I'll work on it. Anyway, in case there's any doubt there's also this:

Pretty lady in white Mercedes - m4w (Papillion)

I see you driving your white Mercedes every day in Papillion and I think you are so attractive and sexy. I'd love to get to know you better and fall in love with you. I love your brown hair and pretty eyes. How about a cup of coffee and some humorous conversation...for starters?

-Your secret admirer 

How's that grab you? This guy just leveled up. He's now a Class Asshole Douche Bag Missed Connections Whore. That's the equivalent of two Donald Trumps and a Paris Hilton.

  

Hope your week is going well. I hope we can meet soon and I can fall in love with you.

- Your secret admirer/dickwad

Packet Man

It's been a busy week for you. I can tell. Look at those bags under your eyes. Well, I have just the cure: cucumber slices. But before you put a fucking vegetable on your face, read my missed connections blog. In honor of my trip to Coachella this weekend, I'm hitting up Palm Springs. Yeah, it's not actually Indio, but neither are you, cucumber face.

Seeking horny women over 30 for fun time - m4w - 60 (palm springs)

Your pic gets mine...ladies must be fit, drug and disease free and very open minded... 

"very open minded" can only mean one of two things:

Thing 1) Diaper play

Thing 2) 60 year old, dirty balls.

Get on it, ladies.

stunning blonde at LAMPS PLUS - m4w (Lamps Plus)

You got there just as they closed and i was last customer to leave - beautiful package - nice heels, nice long legs, pretty blue dress with nice blonde hair and a beautiful face - i need to see you again - nothing expected - only a nice dinner to watch you make heads turn - hope i can find you here. 

You fool! You know where she's going to be. LAMPS PLUS, MOTHER FUCKER. You should have been chivalrous and just given her whatever lamp you bought. I'm assuming it was a table lamp or a pendant light. Perhaps a nice sconce? Or maybe this little fella:

At any rate, saying you NEED to see someone and then saying nothing expected is, to coin a phrase, really fucking stupid.

WARNING: This next bit is NSFW...or anytime, really.

Carl's Jr. Drive Thru - w4m - 24 (Palm Springs)

I drove through tonight on a whim and you were so damn cute!
You had thick black glasses and an amazing smile. I just wanted to tell you how adorable you are and I would love to go out sometime.

Email me back :] 

 

Do it, Carl's Jr. Drive Thru Guy! Think about it! If she's this forward on a Craigslist posting, imagine how forward she'll be in a dimly lit dungeon! And look at those sausage fingers! Imagine getting a massage from those and then vomiting because you're sick with self-hatred! And that dress! You could have sex with a gross lady AND reupholster your grandmother's couch, all in one go! DO IT. On a side note, she said she drove through on a "whim." Me thinks the whim was she skipped second breakfast or elevensies or her sausage fingers were starting to look human again.

smoked a blunt outside barracks - m4m - 37 (cat city)

I took a hit off a fine ass latino trojan man. my class was a bit ahead of yours. had shake in my pocket, that made u kinda giggle. we shared a blunt that got me all hooked up for the night in the pizza place parking lot just a short walk away. your og cush is way too potent for me. Next time give me just a drag then you go to work on it slowly - real slow - smoke that sweet weed down to the finger burn while I smoke your flesh on my knees. Good to the last drop next time, i owe u that bro; damn sweet cush! I think you're so fine.

Boy, there sure is a lot of sexual innuendo in this post. I mean he could just come out and say OH AND THERE IT IS. I guess innuendo is preferable to this type of thing:

jack in the box dillon rd. coachella - m4m (coachella)

stopped at jack in the box this morning off of hwy 86 Coachella saw this hot guy putting ice in the coke machine if u see this I would love to suck ur cock and fuck  

See? No mystery. No wit. Just "Nice ice pouring. Let's fuck." Where's the romance, stranger?!? 

That about does it. I'll see you guys on the flip-side. Or if you're lucky, I'll see you at Coachella. Either way, when I get back, I'm applying to work at the drive thru at Carl's Jr. so I can hit up some of that sweet sausage finger, floral print wearin' lovin'.

April Showers

By special request, today's missed connections are coming straight from Lexington, Kentucky. I don't know shit about Kentucky, so I looked up some fun facts.

Fact 1) Lexington, Kentucky is known as the "Horse Capital of the World".

Fact 2) All the facts about Kentucky suck.

Seriously, I just went on a Fun Fact Finding Mission and came back with no fun and a little bit of a headache. Let's see if the shitbirds on Craigslist are more entertaining.

Monday Birthday Girl - m4w (Bardstown)

You and your friend were out partying for your birthday (?). I thought you were very sexy. You asked me to take your picture with your phone and I did. If you are interested in meeting up send me a note. Include where and when and if you want, send me the pic that I took of you two.  

Ugh. Fucking Kentuckians, am I right? I love it when people add question marks after they've stated something. Was it her birthday? Who gives a shit? Why bother waffling on it and seeming unsure? "You asked me to take your picture..." This reminds me of a conversation I had recently. Does anyone, when asked to take a picture, EVER say no? I think not. But I'm glad he told us that he did, in fact (fun fact!), take the picture. "Send me a note." Yeah. Get out that stationary you never use, dip your quill into the inkwell and scribble out a note for this asshole. Send me a note? Uuuuuuuuugh. And if you want, BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT, send this guy the picture that he took for you. Because that's fucking normal.

we crossed paths at the shell and walmart on Nicholasville and Manowar - m4m - 34 (Lexington, KY)

I think you were driving a grey Nissan ... you were going into the Shell as I was headed back to the car ... and then you were buying Resolve at Walmart ... tell me what I had on and send me a face picture to confirm it is you ... maybe we could meet sometime ... hope you see this 

Alright, dude. Don't do the "I think you were driving" blah blah blah. You can't pretend to play it cool and then mention what the lady was buying at Walmart. Also, I'm fed up with the fucking vetting process people on Craigslist post. Tell me what I had on. What was I driving? When am I usually outside your window on Tuesday nights? You're fucking desperate; don't make people jump through hoops.

What might have been (Right here )

Everything came to an abrupt stop for us. :(
You took it well, even being around each other you treat me like nothing ever happened between.

You went back to your ex, I'm stuck with my current

I know I shouldn't think about it, but I miss our talks, the way you touch me, and running my hands thru your curly hair!

Never did get to listen to you ______
I enjoy watching you _____ ____ while you work ;)

(You feel in the blank so I know it's you)  

This is pretty great. Forget the immensity of this guy's douche-ness as he uses the phrase "stuck" when describing his current relationship.  "What might have been (Right here)" Dude, you are SOOOOO FUCKING LAME. And to convey the gravitas, the truly deep emotions this man is feeling, he added that frowny face at the end of the first sentence. See that little guy there? It means he's sad. :( You FEEL in the blank. You gotta feel it in. I don't know if that's a typo or if this guy is a fucking genius. Regardless, I feel that he never got her to listen to Rammstein. And he enjoys watching her shit uncontrollably while she works. You know, because diarrhea. 

the lady next door - m4w - 33 (lexington )

i dont know why im writing this but oh well.You stay across from me i dont know your name but i can say you make me smile every time i see you walking your dog im a blk male and you are a wht female dont know if you are married or have a man i just want to tell you that your are gorgeous 

You don't know her name, you don't know her relationship status and you don't know why you're writing this. At this point, I think we can assume you don't know jack shit and would have trouble distinguishing your ass from a hole in the ground. (Hint: Your baseball coach wasn't interested in the hole in the ground. Over the line? THERE IS NO LINE.) Let's touch on this little bit though: "i dont know why im writing this..." I'm calling bullshit, you fucking letch. You know exactly why you're writing this. It's because you see the lady walking her dog and you want to plow her, but you don't have the balls to tell her to her face so the only way you can put it out into the universe is to sit at your computer like a loser and type something in the hopes that someone reads it and finds value in your words and you can make a connection oh holy shit I'm talking about myself now, aren't I? Eeeeee....awkward.

See you guys later. Don't forget to feel in the __________.

Nuttin' Nis Funky

Sorry I've been away for awhile. I was moving. The next time you think about moving, DON'T. That shit is for the birds. I mean, I'm glad I moved, but I own a piano. And by the way, that apology earlier was insincere. I'm not sorry. I don't owe you shit. Anywhosits, I decided to look at the missed connections in Ann Arbor, Michigan because it's a college town and fuck it. Fuck everything.

Our eyes met on the elevator - w4m - 23 (Ypsilanti)

I slipped into the elevator as the doors were closing. You asked a girl for four please and she said Sure. but when I jumped into the elevator I got to the buttons first. I reached for the button for my floor but it was already pressed so I pressed 4. Then the elevator began to move. Our eyes met for a few brief moments and then the doors were open again and you were gone. Until next time.

Thanks for the play by play. By the way, you just described what happens to almost everyone that EVER GETS IN AN ELEVATOR. Jesus, maybe picking Ann Arbor was a mistake. This might be the most mundane shit I've ever read.

Tall guy in Kroger - w4m (Carpenter Rd.)

I originally noticed you because you were very tall and I'm drawn to tall men. Then I noticed that you looked quite impatient and were intent on the woman in front of you. Was she your wife/girlfriend/mother I wondered? As I watched you, I realized she was none of the above. You were irritated because she was pawing through the very bags of candy you so very much wanted! I giggled to myself and went about my shopping. On the way out, I noticed you were right in front of me...in fact, you got into a car kitty corner from me. I watched with amusement as you tore into that bag. The look on your face when you popped that first bite into your mouth was one of relief. You then strung out the next gooey bite and your look changed to bliss. As I pulled up beside you at the stop light, you were still gleefully popping candy into your mouth seemingly oblivious to me grinning at you. Thinking of your joyful abandon kept me smiling all the way home. You were very cute and I'm thinking that if you approach every endeavor with such passion you're likely a very interesting individual! 

Correction; THIS is the most mundane shit ever. I guess it's amusing because of the detail she puts into describing a guy jizzing all over himself for candy. "I'm drawn to tall men." Being a tall guy, I can tell you that you're drawn to us because we have more mass and that's how gravity works. And when she's talking about the woman in front of him, the range of possible relationships she gives is fucking ridiculous. "There was a woman in front of you. She was anywhere from 30 - 60 years old. Either way, you have some sort of relationship with her quim." But no, she was just some random lady preventing him from jacking off into a pile of candy. I find it odd that this girls sees this guy eating candy like a heroin addict getting a fix and sees passion and is intrigued. Maybe she was pretending the candy was her vagina.

Monica - m4w - 21 (Ypsilanti )

You use to or may still work at the palm palace on carpenter and you moved into the meadows with your sis in Ypsilanti. You use to work at a club before you got pregnant. Just wondering if we could go back to wat we had going me helping you out with Roses 

For those not in the know, "helping you out with Roses" means "paying you for sex." On Craigslist personals (missed connections counts as personals) "roses" or "kisses" is pretty standard code. I know this ONLY BECAUSE I've been blogging on this shit for years not because I've paid for sex or have been solicited for sex so stop thinking that right now. Stop. STOP. As I started reading this, I thought "Oh he's just trying to connect with an old friend." He sure knows a lot about her personal life. But no... no. He wants to pay her for sex.

u know ashlee leeson? - w4m (ann arbor)

hey u know ashlee leeson?
she use to hang out here adn mebbe send nekkid pics
tel me wht u now

This made me laugh. Because I almost answered the question out loud. No, I don't know Ashlee Leeson. "she use to hang out here..." She used to hang out here. Ha. Like Craigslist missed connections is an arcade or a bar. "Yeah! Ashlee! I remember her. She used to sit over by the "Reply" button and show everyone her tits." "tel me wht u now" I don't know what's sadder; that this person managed to type this sentence and post it and somehow breath air at the same time or that I completely understand what they're asking.

Until next time, folks. Go buy some cheap Easter candy. What you do with it is your business.