This post won't take a minute. Just hear me out. I was in front of a 7-11 last night, never mind why, and I saw a sign in the window. And it went a little something like this:
When Dr. Pepper Ten first came out, i thought it was pretty lame. "Soda for MEN!" So they made more sodas for men. Because men like variety...and things with 10 calories. And I guess that's what I don't understand. Is there something specifically manly about there being 10 calories in a soda? And what the fuck is in the soda that makes it 10 calories?
Dr. Pepper Big Wig: How are our new 0 calorie sodas coming?
Dr. Pepper Scientist: Not good, sir. We can only get them down to 10 calories...
Dr. Pepper Big Wig: What?!
Dr. Pepper Scientist: Sorry, sir. We've tried everything, but we can't get rid of the last ten calories. They simply have too much flavor.
Dr. Pepper Big Wig: Goddamn it! We can't market a fucking soft drink as having zero calories if it has 10 calories! Get them down to zero!
Dr. Pepper Scientist: It can't be done, sir.
Dr. Pepper Big Wig: We can fake putting men on the moon*, but we can't make a zero calorie soda? Well, fuck it, then. Fuck it! We'll just pretend like having 10 calories is more manly. Yeah....YEAH! We'll make it seem like 140 calories is for fat, worthless assholes and zero calories is for women and queers.
Dr. Pepper Scientist: Oh, wait. Coke Zero has zero calories. We'll just copy their-
Dr. Pepper Big Wig: No! It's too late for that. We already have this amazing marketing campaign. Besides, zero calories is for women and queers.
Aaaaaand, SCENE.
*I don't actually believe that Dr. Pepper faked putting men on the moon. They don't have the technology.
Today's missed connections come from that wonderful town, my personal favorite city (no joke), San Francisco (Bay Area). One time I was visiting and in the span of 5 minutes I saw two different people pissing in the street (also, no joke). Literally pissing INTO the street. And I thought to myself, "Oh, this must be a custom in this part of town." Anyway, enjoy these mind treats I'm about to dole out.
lake merrit bart - m4w - 30 (oakland lake merritt / grand)
I really don't condone homosexuality but as I got off the bart, I saw
you two ladies either making out or groping each other. Such courage!
Made the hair on the back of my back stand out a little. Maybe we should
have a threesome. :P
Alright! Good post. Let me just get one thing out of the way first: FUCK YOU. You don't condone homosexuality? Eat shit and die, dude. And as if that's not bad enough, he proceeds to suggest they have a threesome. Now I know this post might be a joke, what with the "Such Courage!" line, but if it's a joke it's a shitty one. And shave your back, asshole.
I carried a watermelon - w4m - 27 (walnut creek)
We were watching each other all night...but when you finally came up to me you caught me off guard.
I don't even remember what we talked about, but I'm sure I sounded like an idiot. I wish you would have danced with me.
This is...yes. This is how Dirty Dancing starts. This is Baby from Dirty Dancing. Don't believe me? Exhibits A, B and Shut Up:
Wonderbread 5 - m4w - 40 (petaluma)
Wonderbread 5, Sat night McNears in Petaluma. We caught each others eyes
more than once, and exchanged a couple of smiles early in the night.
Later on you danced to impress your husband/boyfriend/date, who showed
no interest. Can I take you out for coffee???. Let me know what you were
wearing so that I know it's you.
First things first, Wonderbread 5are these yahoos, so you already know this is going to be stellar. Second things second, he says your HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND/date showed no interest, so hey let's go grab some coffee. He imagines that she has a husband or boyfriend and yet his very next sentence is asking her out. His pants must be custom tailored to hold balls that huge. And when people talk about exchanging looks or smiles or what the fuck ever, it makes it sound like they're talking about swapping clothes. Or they were trying to convert their smile currency to something the locals favor, like smirks or a grimace.
Talked shit on hair at your bar, felt bad, saw you at store, ran away. - m4w - 22 (oakland downtown)
Hi! I'm pretty sure you overheard me being a big drunken asshole last
night at your bar. I had an ex girlfriend who had a similar haircut to
you, and in my state i was inspired to be a dick about it. I realized
you probably heard me and i felt terrible. Then i realized i was staring
at you a little bit, and felt bad about that too.
Today when i saw you at whole foods is definitely when i should have
apologized but i was extremely high and instead i just forgot what i
was doing and bought a bunch of ravioli and got the hell out of there.
I'm sorry for what i said, and I'm sorry i didn't apologize in person at
the store. You seem like a sweet girl and are actually very attractive.
So yeah, my bad.
We've all met this person, right? The person who puts their foot in their mouth and then continues doing it? Hell, I've been this person before, but never like this. For starters, "Talked shit on hair" is an amazing opener. Namely because it makes it sound like you're talking about hair that's been shit on. May I just say, congrats! Then you ingratiate yourself, not once but twice, by saying you were A) a big drunken asshole and then later B) extreeeeemely high. You're on a roll here. Not to be out done, you go ahead and mention that while high, you forgot what you were doing so you bought a bunch of ravioli and then bolted. You bought...a bunch... of ravioli. I'm speechless. When I get high (WHICH NEVER HAPPENS) I usually forget what I'm doing and buy stock in KFC. To each their own.
Hope you enjoyed the many flavors of the Bay Area. On to the next city/shit show!
Happy Oscars night to you all? Don't watch or care about the Oscars? I don't know why we're freinds sometimes. This will be my last Los Angeles Missed Connections post for awhile. I'm going to start seeing other cities. It's not you, Los Angeles. You've been amazing. But after that infographic from earlier this week, I realized that there are other, lamer skanks in the sea that I need to seek out and humiliate anonymously. That being said...
Speedwalking beauty with pleather/plastic/latex legging tights on - m4w (USC)
We were both being law abiding citizens, waiting to cross, and you were
kind enough to drop some math on me and do the countdown, lol. I
basically sprinted to my car so I could catch up with you and offer you a
ride, but you were speedwalking like you hadn't pee'd in a week... Hope
you made it home ok. We should do that again sometime.
Let me drop some math on you, my friend. You have 0 game. That's a number that Indians invented specifically to explain how much game you don't have (I think). Speedwalking like you hadn't peed in a week? THAT'S fucking weak. And what do you want to do again sometime? Stand at a crosswalk waiting for the light to change and then you desperately sprinting to your car only to never see her again? Even without posting this you're halfway there. Just sprint down to your car. Boom. Done.
Your loss - w4m - 20
Your actions spoke louder then your words, in this case, how could
someone be your friend if all you're interested in is their vagina?
Tried to show you that I cared about more then just your dick, but your
actions spoke louder then your words. It's quite sad..
If only you would have made me feel like I was more then a vagina.
Man, this guy is a dick. She cared about more than just your penis, man. Possibly your balls, which I'm assuming are attached to your crotch. But I digress. HOW DARE HE?!? This girl is more than a vagina! Clearly she has a uterus and probably some fallopian tubes. And all the hurt feelings means she obviously has a liver, the organ where all hurt feelings come from. She's right, though, this is YOUR LOSS, bro. Bro-ham. Bro-sephine Baker. Bro-seph Smith, founder of The Bro-mon Church. If you hadn't fucked this up you could have had at least another six months of her bitching at you. Maybe next time don't focus only on her vagina. I suggest anal play.
Castaic Ralphs Girl In Tight Red Pants - m4w - 40 (Caataic)
I was behind you in line, you were sexy and beautiful in your tight red
pants and black top... you paid with Wic I really wanted to buy your
groceries for you... if you see this please respond and let me treat you
like a princess.
WIC, it turns out, is welfare. It stands for "women, infants and children" and is used to supplement income for people found to be at nutritional risk. I'm not judging anyone who needs this assistance. Really, I am not. That being said, let's break down the sketchiness that this guy is bringing full fucking force. He starts by commenting on how sexy she is in her tight red pants which we ALL KNOW what it means when someone thinks you're sexy in tight pants. It's a great come on, but then he goes on to make note of her financial situation and that he wanted to buy her groceries. It's the pity line! Women. Love. Pity. It's like cologne mixed with roofies and little bits of George Clooney. It's irresistible to most (all) women. Let's see if he finishes strong... Why, yes! He wants to treat her like a princess. Like a fucking princess! She'll be thrilled. This guy is dropping mad science. He goes with the sexy pity princess trifecta! He belongs in the Playa's Hall o' Fame!
You were working at woodland hills Petco and saw a pic on my phone... - m4w (Woodland Hills Petco)
Where do I begin! The odds of you seeing this is astronomical but I have to try!
I came into Petco at 2pm and bought some cat food.. On the receipt your
name starts with a D (I won't burn you here) you were at the register
and offered to help me out you complimented me for my Yoda hoodie and we
had small talk you are absolutely beautiful!!!.... When you were trying
to scan my coupons on my phone you accidentally swiped to the previous
image and it was a picture of my dick and a girl spread... I was
COMPLETELY mortified!!! You played it cool and somehow I managed not to
run out the door... First off I want to say I'm really sorry? lol I'm sure that doesn't
happen often at a petco LOL but it's a story for both of us to tell and
laugh! On the off chance you do see this I'd love to talk to you :)
Hope this reaches you D!
Where do I begin? WHERE DO I BEGIN? How about DON'T BURY THE LEAD. You should start with her seeing the dick picture and then you should not continue writing because you told the whole story. Why was a dick picture next to a coupon for cat food in your phone? (Dick pictures next to animal related pictures on a phone are dangerous, as my friend can attest) And then why is you being sorry a question? No matter. She'll find this, you'll meet up and you'll both have a good long laugh...HAHAHAHAHA. The times you've shared! Then you'll get married and have kids and when the kids are old enough you'll tell the charming "how we met" story. Maybe as a toast at their wedding! Ooooooh...man.... Upon further review, the most rewarding part about this post is that he's worried about the odds of her finding this post at all.
That's all she wrote, as my father is fond of saying. Make sure you click on the links in the post to get the full effect. Until next time, stay safe and delete all your phone dick pictures.
We made it. The weekend tried to run away, but we caught up to it and explained that it's actually just a concept we use to keep track of time. A mere concept. Take THAT weekend. Anyway, I was out at a bar last night and I, myself, had a missed connection. But instead of wallowing in a missed opportunity, I'm going to make fun of the wallowers and then have a good, long cry.
Exchanged eye contact at gym - m4w - 29 (La fitness pico rivera)
Seen you at the gym today we exchanged eye contact and its not the first
time extremely attracted to you but dont think its right to approach
at the gym describe your looks to me so i can know its you
So some people, apparently, when your eyes meet, that's an open invitation? I need to be more cautious with my eye-nvitations (see what I did there? Super fucking clever) because I make it a point to make eye contact with everyone. I must be viewed as some sort of eye slut. Oh, wait. I'm a guy, so it's okay. This guy has principles though. Striking up a conversation at the gym? No good. Open invitation over a widely used internet website? Excellent. Good luck, eye contact exchanger!
Red hair and most beautiful blue eyed girl... so you're 37 or 42? - m4w - 45 (Pasadena )
This is for blue eyed girl next door...
You know, it was around the holidays when I first happened to see you
(by the way, you were only 39 then ;) but now you keep changing your
age? Think that's kinda funny... and yes, I know it's not polite to ask a
woman her age anyway ;) So anyways, ever since then I've tried and in
every way (I can) except directly, "trying" catch your attention... Geez
:) And I'm not even a redhead fanatic! "lol"
I just really liked you, something about you and "what you had to
say"... So at least I tried to make it happen... ? for effort :)
Maybe we all just have a little stubbornness at times, or reasons...WI.
huh? But still hoped you might notice me one day... "Pretty please".
Cause I'm running out of ways to m'catch your attention... Common, that was kinda funny :)
All kidding aside though, I've just never had anyone take "my" breath away... Think you are so incredibly beautiful :)
We have a repeater. I've posted a message from this guy before.Knowing that he's a serial poster makes it that much better. The posts read almost the exact same, although in this iteration he's harping on her fucking age which women LOVE. He also added more quotation marks. We should make a game of this. See how many differences in this creepy guy's post we can spot. Why is "my" in quotes? Is he saying it's not his breath you took? Why is "lol" in quotes? Aw, fuck it. He's really hurting his "I'm not even a redhead fanatic!" line he's dropping though by being obsessive and dare I say a little fanatical, here.
scv promenade - m4w - 30 (valencia)
To the yumy girl in a sweatshirt walking her dog at the promenade on
magic mountain Pkwy . I want you bad the things I wouldst do to you... I
was working on phone stuff and said hi.. hit me up ....
Let's break this down; right off the bat you called her yummy. That's bad. That's what a rapist would say. Then you wrote the single greatest line in the history of human writing: "I want you bad the things I wouldst do to you..." Is that Shakespeare? Let me say one thing and then we'll forget about it. This is how you put yourself out there. This is your calling card that says "Hey, you're attractive and my crotch is open for business." So don't come on so strong and don't use 16th century language, or thou might findeth it hard to ploweth her fields. Next time, forget about the phone stuff and tell her the bad things you'd do to her in person. See you at the arraignment.
Young man looking for facesitting - m4w - 21 (LA)
Young tall big man looking for some facesitting , body worship, domination ,
If this is what your into email me for more info and pics
Greetings on this fine Wednesday. Recently (yesterday) I discovered (was given by an industrious friend) and article that is all about missed connections (missed connections). I'll link you to it here. Basically it shows the distribution, by state, of all the Craigslist missed connections. See:
Some interesting findings there. I think this is more indicative of the type of people who post missed connections than a comment on the states. But for funsies, let's do a break down where I can show off my stereotype knowledge of each place:
Alabama - Wal mart - Ha! It was either going to be Wal mart or a jug band concert. Alaska - Super Store - I don't know what a "Super Store" is, but I'm more surprised that anyone leaves their house. It's cold 13 months out of the year there... Arizona - LA Fitness - I have no opinion of the people of Arizona, so I'll just say that it's hot there. Arkansas - Wal mart - What did you expect? California - 24 Hour Fitness - I'm sure across the entire state there's a little more variation. In the south and north, of course the gym. In the middle of the state, though, I'd figure more meth labs/methadone clinics. Colorado - Gas station - It's only "gas station" because all the hash bars aren't up and running yet. Or they are and this is code. Connecticut - Stop and Shop - Fuck you, Connecticut. Delaware - Convenience Store - Jesus Christ, you're boring, Delaware. Florida - Walmart - Two observations: 1) I always forget (and then am reminded somehow) that Florida is a southern state and 2) Florida looks like a penis. Georgia - The car - No matter how you interpret it... Georgia, you are creeping me the fuck out. Hawaii - The beach - No shit. Idaho - Walmart - I guess "Potato Harvest Socials" aren't in vogue anymore. Illinois - Train - All I can think of are jokes about gangsters in the 1920's...to hell with you, Illinois. Indiana - At home - This just made my boner go away. Iowa, Nebraska, Wyoming, New Hampshire, Maine, Kentucky, Wisconsin - Super market - Shut up. No. Listen to me. Shut up. You sad, lonely mother fuckers need to go other places. No one finds love at the super market. NO ONE. Kansas - McDonalds - I'm assuming this is a McDonalds INSIDE of a Walmart. Louisiana, Missouri, New Mexico, Montana, West Virginia, North Carolina, Texas, Mississippi - Walmart - This is getting tedious. Mostly because the joke is the same for all these places. Your state sucks, all you have is Walmart, blah blah blah. One quick note about Mississippi, though. They JUST ratified the 13th Amendment (the one abolishing slavery). "Just" meaning "last week". So I expected more missed connections from slave auctions. Maryland - Park - I've seen the Wire, so all the missed connections must be set ups for drug deals. Massachusetts, New York - Subway - Look at you, with your mass transit that isn't terrible. Whoopty fucking doo. Nevada - Casinos - This is the only one I don't understand. New Jersey - Train - Uggggggh. There are so many staaaaaates... Everywhere Else - Who gives a fuck - You get the point, right? It's what I've been saying from the get go. Missed connections are written by sad, desperate people who shop at Walmart and look for love in their cars and their homes.
Happy President's Day! One day I hope to be so influential and important to this country that my birthday gets lumped in with someone else's. Here's a funny anecdote about a presidential missed connection:
President Coolidge and the First Lady were visiting a large chicken
farming operation, and were being taken on separate tours. In the
breeding area, the manager mentioned that each rooster was used to
service a hen several times a day. The First Lady told the manager to
please tell that to President Coolidge.
The manager did so. President Coolidge replied “Same hen every time?”
The manager said, “No, different hen every time.” Coolidge then said
“Make sure you tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”
Then Calvin Coolidge posted in a newspaper the next day "Aw baBy! So sorry I missd U at the Chikin farmmmm! - m4w (Chikin Farmmmmm)"
Sorry there was no Valentine's Day Post, but I was feeling under the weather and also go fuck yourself.
Cutie with the hoodie - m4m - 25 (Palmdale)
Place where people go to exercise you were going to the path to stry
running and I was going towards my car and you stared at me in my eyes
and I stared back you were wearing your hooding and so was I tell me
what color pants I had on ur super cute !!! U also have a nice car !
Send me a picture and I will send u mine
I've been trying to figure out if this guy is being purposefully opaque about this "place where people go to exercise" or if he's just an idiot. Does he mean a park? Does he mean a gym? We'll never know because I don't know what color pants he was wearing. And is it just me or does saying "hooding" make them sound like people who are : A) going to be executed, or B) monks. Either way, this smooth operator managed to get a compliment about her car in there before the end, so I'm sure everything will work out.
she male or tranny - m4w - 30 (west covina)
I'm looking for a she male or tranny for a 3 some with my wife, my wife
want's to get fuck by a she male or tranny with a big dig and big tits
and big ass, just let me know if u are real send your pic and phone
number ( no men ) thank u!
There was a picture that accompanied this that I felt obliged to not include since it was a picture of a shemale plowing a lady. I don't understand why they felt the need to explain what they were looking for with a picture when it's PRETTY CLEAR what they want. It's totally not a missed connection, but it made me guffaw. Namely the little rider at the end there "(no men)". I'm picturing this person being disgusted and really put off by any men that respond. "Oooo, a reply. Oh, goddamn it! It's another man. Honey, we keep getting men sending in dick pictures, when all we want are tranny dick pictures!" I have nothing against transsexuals or wanting a shemale with a big "dig" but when you post on Craigslist you have to accept that you're going to get some men replying with pictures of their dicks.
Cute guy on beach with dog.... - w4m - 26 (Malibu, Ca)
Ok....so embarrassed, but I'm hating on myself for not talking to you more.....lol!
Sunday morning around 9:45
You:jeans, shirt, adorable dog (lab/pit mix maybe....the one that wants to plays with every dog it meets)
Me: disheveled ( had just been hiking!) black pants...little dog with me barking at your dog.)
Please no emails from anyone else...not looking to meet anyone else off Craigslist
Girl, you must not have read the Craigslist social contract. You're posting on here and you're a woman, you WILL be meeting other people off of Craigslist. You made your choice. You think you're embarassed now? Better set your junk mail filters to HIGH for the foreseeable future or just take this bullshit down.
Bang in the Back of Bolivar - m4w - 36 (Santa Monica)
Saw you with your boyfriend at Bolivar today (2/16).
I just kept thinking that I wanted to devour you like a piece of cake on
my birthday. I've been on a bit of a hunger strike, or perhaps a diet,
so you can hardly imagine how ravenously I would consume you. You
probably saw it in my eyes. I can't imagine how scandalized you were --
or perhaps that's par for the course with you -- you are a beautiful
woman.
Then, you can go back to your (seemingly possessive) boyfriend and be a good girl again. What he don't know wont hurt him. ;)
Intrigued? Contact me.
Man, this guy took the food metaphor and fucking ran with it. I applaud him, although I'm still trying to work out what a "hunger strike" means or "a diet". Hunger strike = swearing off sex? A diet = only fucking skinny women? Or only fucking a certain race, i.e. asians? I'm no good with metaphors! But man, by the end I was intrigued. I would totally cheat on my boyfriend for the line this fool is dropping. This is the type of guy you meet once for coffee and then later find out he gave you syphilis and got your dog pregnant. He's THAT good.
Here's a video for you to enjoy to remind you why we celebrate Washington's birthday:
Lincoln has had enough lip service in the past year. Later, bacon!
Welcome back. I did the Tough Mudder this past Saturday (I might do a post about it tomorrow. Contain your excitement). It was fun, but I never realized you could make your internal organs sore. When I'm at an event like that, though, I realize how easy it is to make eyes at someone and think there's something between you. Especially when you're knee deep in mud. Let's see who agrees...
griffith park - m4w - 26 (griffith park)
i seen u at the park u were with 2 other girls ive never seen another prettier girl than u ....what were u wearing?
WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFF! Strikes one, two and three.
I want a Big Dick or a 3some or just a fine sexy lady - w4mw - 25 (Sgv)
I been wanting to have a big thick dick in my pussy I prefer Latino
,white,or Black really good looking in shape athletic and also if u have
a girl who will like to have a threesome even better....and lady's I'm
looking for a sexy girl nice ass boobs I could lick n caress if ur dtf
perfect we could b fwb n have amazing naughty sexy ....please no fake
shit or spams n don't come with bullshits I'm real n I'm serious lets
see who is real here...girls I can host , boys sorry for you I can't
...send a pic n if I like what I see I'll reply with one back if not
well thanks....please hit me up I want to tast someone already
Who says romance is dead? This isn't really a missed connection, but when this falls in your lap you have to let it slide. (LOOK. I'M WINKING AT YOU) If you didn't make it past the first line, I understand. It's pretty rough. Not that there's anything wrong with being forward, but GOD. DAMN. Talk about casting a wide net. This person is basically looking for a penis, a penis and vagina, or just a vagina. If they were looking for an hermaphrodite, they'd be hitting for the cycle. I wish you luck and hope no one comes with "spams" or "bullshits". Only real people, please...
Rock n Roll Ralphs - w4m (west hollywood)
You, tall gorgeous male specimen. Salt and pepper, gym shorts... 40
something. We deliberately passed in the aisle. I chickened out, half
smiled, and sauntered head down past the canned tuna. Aghhh... biggest
regret ever.
Me, tall, blonde, jeans and grey tshirt.
I searched the store for a bit to no avail. I wonder where you went
Long shot, but magic can strike twice, no?
I love hyperbole. I love it more than breathing fucking air. BIGGEST REGRET EVER says this woman. All of the decisions leading up to you walking past a probably married dude in a Ralphs in West Hollywood and none of them trump that. Wow. Or you're talking about walking past the canned tuna, in which case, next time just pick up a can and wash away them regrets! And how do you know his aisle pass was deliberate? Maybe he actually needed canned tuna. Or diapers. Those are the same aisle, right? Then the searching and the no availing. Yet when I search around for someone it's a crime and there are restraining orders and much yelling about "Get out of my house!" Double standards, am I right dudes? Anyway, to answer her last question, yes, magic can strike twice and often does, but only in really bad magic storms. The kind that knock out your power and is this your card?!?!
I've been thinking a lot about my own mortality lately. I hope when I die it's never. Anyway, it's been a couple days since my last post which is more than enough time for people to get lonely, mistakenly think they connected with someone and then shoot out our version of a laser into space trying to make contact. (I MEAN MISSED CONNECTIONS)
Fathers Office - m4w
Never actually used this, but why not. I approached you on my way out of
Father's Office in Culver City last night (Wed) and told you you were
cute, but your friend looked kind of pissed so I went on my way. In
retrospect I should have kept talking to you anyway.
This might be a first for me. I'm actually genuinely rooting for this guy, because he did it, man. He fucking did it. He spoke to the person and told them they were cute. If it weren't for one supposedly pissed friend, this might have been an actual connection. But you know what? Father's Office is pretty goddamn delicious, so this guy has already won in my book.
I was the dorky boy in the bright plaid shirt with the color tattoo sleeve on the left arm. I had one item of veggie lasagna.
You (brunette w/braces) smiled and kept dialogue about the weather and
how my weekend was going. I can't get you out of my head, you're too
cute :)
If you see this drop a line and lets do something together! Or post anon with your hours and I'll say howdy =)
- W A few line items here. Item 1) I always feel hesitant to show someone's picture, but then I think "If douche nozzle put their picture on Craigslist, then douche nozzle gets everything they deserve." Item 2) I will never understand it when someone has so much information about a person, yet can't seem to figure out a better way to get in contact with said person. You know where she works, W. Can I call you W? Fuck you, I'll call you King of the Newsies if I want. You put your picture on Craigslist. I fucking own you. Anyway, Item 3) Listen to the way this dude speaks: "one item of blah blah blah", "kept dialogue about the blah blah blah". His programmers down at the lab must be pleased as shit with the progress he's making.
Red hair and most beautiful blue eyed girl in all of Pasadena...42 - m4w - 45 (SGV)
It was around the holidays when I first happened to see you...
And since then I've tried in every way, except directly to catch your
attention... Geez :) and I'm not even a redhead fanatic! "lol"
I just really liked you, something about you and what you had to say...
Kinda like a favorite and I did try to wink at you too ;) So at least I tried to set out and make it happen... ? effort :) guess we all have some stubbornness or reasons...WI.
But was still hoping you might notice me one day... Sooo, will you ever notice? "Pretty please" (humor :)
Honestly though... I tried because I've just never had anyone take my breath away... You're so incredibly beautiful... :)
Was everyone paying attention? Because you just got a master class in how to be the most awkward person on planet earth. Things to take away from this: you can never use too many smiley faces in one post, trying everything to get someone's attention should never include "directly" and lol is something to put in quotes. This guy is really trying though. You know that for a fact because he puts the word "effort" in there...by itself. Which made me laugh out loud because it's ridiculous and also because of George Michael's eulogy on Arrested Development. And how does a mother fucker TRY to wink? Did he blink at her instead or just stare? I don't understand how this 45 year old man is acting like a 13 year old who is still figuring shit out. I'm picturing him as a guy who wears Santa hats for all occasions. God's speed, you redhead fanatic.
Have a happy Thursday, dudes. May your connections never be missed and your effort always be direct. HUMOR.
Yo! We all watch that Super Bowl? Don't worry. There will be no follow up questions. I was perusing ye ole missed connections and I gotta be honest, there are a lot of MVP's. Case in point...
waisted time.!! so stupid....?? - m4w (here wanted to be there)
Ok... I like to read missed connection.. sometimes but its stupid ...
How you can waisted time written to someone who you can tell everything
in person... Helloooo....
I know is a game ... But f*$$ ist stupid... I you love somebody fight
for the love ... Easy.. when both person are in common love... If not
... Another long way for walk away .... I still in love ... But i cant
go for it....
:-( she dont love no more ... So i cant do nothing... You had the
chance to tell her/him..how much you love him/her.. do it... Dont be
stupid.
This read like a mentally challenged kangaroo's poem. "Another long way for walk away..." But really what caught my eye is that they're really championing not being stupid. They're essentially ragging on people who write on Missed Connections, just like me! But they're doing it in the most incoherent, stupidest way I've ever seen. Waisted time, indeed.
White guy crossing residential street - m4m - 25 (West Covina Valley View)
I was driving down Valley View in my silver Pontiac. U are a white guy
wearing a beenie white t and black basketball shorts. I seen that meat
flopping around. God damn it looked good. I was gonna turn around but i
didn't want to be a creeper. If u come across this let me know what u
were carrying out to u car. ;)
This is something I find when I come across the men looking for men missed connections; they're much more forward. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, but goddamn you can't in one breath talk about his meat flopping around and then say "but i didn't want to be a creeper." That shit don't jive, know what I'm sayin' blood?
Glendale elevator - m4w (Glendale Brand Blvd)
We rode up the elevator this morning (Friday) and I thought made an eye
connection. You are a tall beautiful girl (Asian) I think you got off
on the third floor but I stayed on but you game me a very nice smile as
you left. You were talking to another girl on the elevator and very
excited about something.
This guy lacks confidence. And also the ability to know if he makes eye contact with someone. I guess he said "eye connection", which I'm assuming is like eye contact, only more racism from Gene Hackman. "...very excited about something." Maybe, and this is a shot in the dark, she was excited about getting off the elevator with the shady guy making eye connections.
I'm going to pare down this next one because HOLY SHIT he wrote a novel, but it's still a gem.
DOUG'S SUPERBOWL PARTY, YOU ARE THE MANAGER OF A GIRL NAMED ELIZABETH - m4w - 28 (Sun Valley)
The chances of you seeing this are about the same as the chances of me
ever writing one of these... You are the
manager of Elizabeth, and you and her are in the works of trying to get
together a TV series about ghost hunting. We also talked about how TV
is more profitable than movies these days... I went
inside and hung with my friends for a bit by the stripper pole... you danced the most amazingly
graceful and classy yet still incredibly fucking sexy dance on the pole
to Ella Fitzgerald... while specifically looking at
me the whole time, and shaking your butt in my face at one point. One
of my friends was in the middle of a heart-to-heart talk with me, so I
could not break the conversation too quickly without being incredibly
rude to her. But by the time I could safely break the conversation and
get ready to walk over and finish up talking with you, your friends had
already said "let's go" to you...
Damn fucking shame... It
will be a straight up miracle if i find you on here. Hopefully if not
here, I will see you again at one of his next parties. One great regret
of recent times now is not having caught you even at least a minute
before you took off, so I could get your name and your number. You'll
stick in my memory, mystery girl...at this point I wish I at least had a
name.
Right out of the gate I'm going to have to ask that you NOT YELL AT EVERYONE. It's the internet...we can all hear you. "The chances of you seeing this..." I'm going to do some quick math here: he DID write a missed connection, so the chances of him doing it are 100%. So he feels 100% confident that the girl will see this. Bravo. And there's a stripper pole at this place. I applaud you Doug. Now, this next part is crucial so try and keep up. Let me set the scene: he's standing there having a heart to heart with a friend of his. This conversation is so deep and important he can't just walk away for 2 seconds. Meanwhile, Elizabeth Manager Lady is shaking her ass in his face. This is a sad story that needs to be told. Epic in it's scope and leading up to a great regret of our time.A straight up miracle indeed.
