Don't drink the Kool-Aid. Drink the milk!

I gotta say, soccer players are pussies. I've been watching the World Cup for the past 5 days and I have seen more people rolling around on the ground bawling than at the Rolling Around and Bawling Convention. (August 15th in Des Moines, get your tickets!) I know what you're going to ask: why are you watching the games then? Because fuck you. I'm doing research into why this is the world's most popular sport and so far all I can figure is that the world is populated by jerks. To take a break from all the inanity, I poked around Craigslist missed connections and found some real gems.

guy lets talk dirty - t4m - 19 (bell gardens)

Lets meeet at a park nd have some hot public sex ;)
Or lets just get down nd dirty

 

There were some pictures that accompanied this post, but I didn't want to look at them longer than I had to, so YOU'RE WELCOME. I guess what's bothering me about this post is that if having sex in public doesn't constitute getting down and dirty in this persons mind, what does? Maybe fucking on a pile of garbage at a Toby Keith concert? I dunno. There's just no pleasing some people.

 

Walmart - m4w

You had to be the most beautiful women I have ever seen

You were a mom with your little one (I assume your a single mother considering I don't see a ring on your finger)

You were tall , brown or black hair

You were wearing flip flops

Gorgeous long toes

And you have the most beautiful feet I have ever seen

I saw you from a distance and I was attracted

Hope you see this post, would love to email yo

 

You just KNOW when a post starts at Walmart that it's going to be quality. This almost reads like a poem. A poem about long, gorgeous toes and beautiful feet. I mean, to read it you'd think the guy never even saw her face. He barely can tell what color her hair was. Although "I saw you from a distance" can be anywhere up to and including one mile, and Walmarts are pretty huge. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and give him 7 out of 10 on the creepy Walmart guy scale. (No one scores below a 7)

 

Backstreet boy Concert Thursday night may 29th - m4w (The Forum)

Yes I was there , I went with a couple of female friends of mine

And me me being a 90's guy , I loved the show and the performance , it was amazing I gotta say

But I gotta say this one female caught my attention , she was wearing flip flops , well honestly the only girl I saw in flip flops ...

She could have been white or Hispanic

Age from 18-27 wasn't sure

But gotta admit so cute yet Gorgeous

And amazing feet in those flip flops

If your her I would love to here from you

And a quick quiz , AJ spoke about his wife coming down the aisle to a guns and roses song , which song did he mention ?

Please reply with answer and pix

Thanx !!!!! 

 

Holy shit it's the same guy and he was at a Backstreet Boys concert. Come the fuck on with the flip flops already. I think he has a problem. I can guess the song AJ's wife came down the aisle to; Welcome to the Jungle because she's fucking lame, just like the Backstreet Boys. Moving on...

 

Met you two at that bar - m4ww

You two were standing by the bar having a drink. I remember my jaw dropping when I saw you. Two white girls in your early 20s, one blonde, one brunette, both had great bodies with big natural boobs. I was really taken aback when I started talking to the two of you; you were really open and friendly. Funny too. After our third round of drinks one of you hinted to me that we could continue our little party at a nearby hotel for a price. I was tempted but I said no since I've never paid for it before. I really, really regret that now. If you see this and are still working, tell me which one of you mentioned the hotel idea. And which hotel it was. I'd love to make this happen. 

 

This is the saddest post I've ever seen. Only because this poor bastard doesn't know how to find other hookers. They're not the only ones, my man. And they're all friendly and open (Wide open, AM I RIGHT?!?) And I have to go on record here: I love women's breasts. Tits, boobs, cans, etc. Whatever you want to call them, I love them. But whenever someone is trying to be articulate they can't put "big natural boobs". That's what an eight year old and his friends would write if they were trying to write erotic fan fiction about Wendy Woodpecker or whatever kids are into these days.

Hope the rest of your week is amazing. Enjoy the rest of the Copa Mundial 2014 arriba! Gooooooooooooooooooooooooal!

 

Eat, Shit and Die: Why commas are important.

Some of you know, others don't, but I've been doing freelance work as of late. Technically I'm always looking for work and when I'm not working I'm technically unemployed. Technically. Out of curiosity, AND NOTHING ELSE, I decided to look on Craigslist to see what exciting opportunimals there are in the ever burgeoning TV and film industry. It was all porn and bullshit and bullshit porn. So I figured while I was there, I'd see if any missed connections were happening. And they WERE.

lady in peach dress Del Amo Mall Starbucks - m4w

A stunning beautiful lady wearing a peach summer dress heels and green toenail polish at Starbucks in Del Amo Mall 

 

Where's the rest? I see your nice description of a lady in a dress at the Starbucks, but what happens to her? What's he motivation? What's YOUR motivation? If this is going to be the next great American novel, then we need a little more from you. Like....anything. Speaking of novels...

240 bus hottie tonight. Next time ride me instead - m4w - 26 (Towards universal red.line station)

age : 26 body : athletic height : 5'11" (180cm)

You were a hot mixed? Curly haired girl holding a shopping bag and wearing some comfy all black pants and hoodie number that did a wonderful job of tracing your amazing curviness. It was around 9:30 Friday night on the 240 bus headed towards studio city on Ventura. I only got on and had a few minutes which i spent fucking you with my eyes and not being able to get through a sentance noticing thst the top of your ass was showing a bit and you either didnt notice or perfect world scenario knew exactly what was up. we smiled at each other a couple times. then you also randomly started filming this drunk dude who was talking nonsense.Dont do this sort.of thing regularly but have been having some dirty thoughts about you this evening and really would love to pull those sweat pants down a bit more or just completely off and do lots of things i wont mention here in the hopes of remaining somewhat sophisticated in this approach though all i really have on the mind now is hard primal fucking. I am a gentleman though. anyways i have dirty blonde hair and had on a striped shirt under a windbreaker and was holding a really thick book. in the off chance that you A) do see this B) reconize me from description and situation details and C) A + B apply and and would like to get ravished until you need to tap out then definitley get in touch. Lastly mean all this in avery complimentary way and have no judgements based of you or assumptions you would be the type to go for such a thing if this all lined up. thought.i would try though as a first though and hopefully the heavens will align and we can fuck like mad haha.

 

Did you make it through the whole thing? I sure hope you did. Because this has everything that "Lady in Peach Dress" was missing. Nuance. Catharsis. Denouement. This guy has it all. Action, suspense, romance. My favorite part is that he considers this a "somewhat sophisticated" approach. Maybe because he had to use a computer to do it? Otherwise, repeatedly telling a stranger you want to rail them isn't overly complex. I also like his little math equation, where A + B = C which results in this lady getting ravished. The "C" must stand for "coitus." I sure hope she remembers the guy who was holding a "thick book" so this tale can have a sexy ending.

 

Stella barra - m4m (Santa Monica)

Hi :). Nice to see u did u get a pizza? U r very handsome. Omg this keeps saying it's too short. Grrrrrr

First things first: missed connections is not for small talk or chit chat. This is a serious place meant to establish a connection because you're an idiot and missed it the first time and you have no other recourse. Second things second: if craigslist is telling you that your post is too short, then try TYPING OUT ALL THE GODDAMN WORDS YOU SHORTENED. If the "this" you're referring to is the tape measure you're using to measure your penis, then there is no such thing as too short. AM I RIGHT LADIES/FELLAS?!?!

 

Is this your last summer together? Make it special - mw4mm - 43

Mature woman, mother of two, wants to meet a group of friends, students, having their last summer together before their lives go in different directions. Celebrate this moment with a night of group sex, cementing your bond between each other forever. My husband and I swing, I love group fun, I want to share this with young friends in a particular place in their lives. I can host. w4mm 

I...just....wow. WOW. This is so sincere and so goddamn funny. Her pitch is solid. I'm kind of on-board with it. It feels like a Groupon. Who wants to try this? I'm not sure if our lives are in the particular place she wants, but it's worth a shot. We're a fun group and she loves group fun. We can cement our bond forever! I mean, it'll probably be cemented through chlamydia, but STD bonds are the strongest and they last a lifetime, or at the very least until treatment is done. Best part, guys, is that she can host. SHE CAN FUCKING HOST.

That about wraps it up for me. Hope everyone had a happy Father's Day!