Eat, Shit and Die: Why commas are important.

Some of you know, others don't, but I've been doing freelance work as of late. Technically I'm always looking for work and when I'm not working I'm technically unemployed. Technically. Out of curiosity, AND NOTHING ELSE, I decided to look on Craigslist to see what exciting opportunimals there are in the ever burgeoning TV and film industry. It was all porn and bullshit and bullshit porn. So I figured while I was there, I'd see if any missed connections were happening. And they WERE.

lady in peach dress Del Amo Mall Starbucks - m4w

A stunning beautiful lady wearing a peach summer dress heels and green toenail polish at Starbucks in Del Amo Mall 

 

Where's the rest? I see your nice description of a lady in a dress at the Starbucks, but what happens to her? What's he motivation? What's YOUR motivation? If this is going to be the next great American novel, then we need a little more from you. Like....anything. Speaking of novels...

240 bus hottie tonight. Next time ride me instead - m4w - 26 (Towards universal red.line station)

age : 26 body : athletic height : 5'11" (180cm)

You were a hot mixed? Curly haired girl holding a shopping bag and wearing some comfy all black pants and hoodie number that did a wonderful job of tracing your amazing curviness. It was around 9:30 Friday night on the 240 bus headed towards studio city on Ventura. I only got on and had a few minutes which i spent fucking you with my eyes and not being able to get through a sentance noticing thst the top of your ass was showing a bit and you either didnt notice or perfect world scenario knew exactly what was up. we smiled at each other a couple times. then you also randomly started filming this drunk dude who was talking nonsense.Dont do this sort.of thing regularly but have been having some dirty thoughts about you this evening and really would love to pull those sweat pants down a bit more or just completely off and do lots of things i wont mention here in the hopes of remaining somewhat sophisticated in this approach though all i really have on the mind now is hard primal fucking. I am a gentleman though. anyways i have dirty blonde hair and had on a striped shirt under a windbreaker and was holding a really thick book. in the off chance that you A) do see this B) reconize me from description and situation details and C) A + B apply and and would like to get ravished until you need to tap out then definitley get in touch. Lastly mean all this in avery complimentary way and have no judgements based of you or assumptions you would be the type to go for such a thing if this all lined up. thought.i would try though as a first though and hopefully the heavens will align and we can fuck like mad haha.

 

Did you make it through the whole thing? I sure hope you did. Because this has everything that "Lady in Peach Dress" was missing. Nuance. Catharsis. Denouement. This guy has it all. Action, suspense, romance. My favorite part is that he considers this a "somewhat sophisticated" approach. Maybe because he had to use a computer to do it? Otherwise, repeatedly telling a stranger you want to rail them isn't overly complex. I also like his little math equation, where A + B = C which results in this lady getting ravished. The "C" must stand for "coitus." I sure hope she remembers the guy who was holding a "thick book" so this tale can have a sexy ending.

 

Stella barra - m4m (Santa Monica)

Hi :). Nice to see u did u get a pizza? U r very handsome. Omg this keeps saying it's too short. Grrrrrr

First things first: missed connections is not for small talk or chit chat. This is a serious place meant to establish a connection because you're an idiot and missed it the first time and you have no other recourse. Second things second: if craigslist is telling you that your post is too short, then try TYPING OUT ALL THE GODDAMN WORDS YOU SHORTENED. If the "this" you're referring to is the tape measure you're using to measure your penis, then there is no such thing as too short. AM I RIGHT LADIES/FELLAS?!?!

 

Is this your last summer together? Make it special - mw4mm - 43

Mature woman, mother of two, wants to meet a group of friends, students, having their last summer together before their lives go in different directions. Celebrate this moment with a night of group sex, cementing your bond between each other forever. My husband and I swing, I love group fun, I want to share this with young friends in a particular place in their lives. I can host. w4mm 

I...just....wow. WOW. This is so sincere and so goddamn funny. Her pitch is solid. I'm kind of on-board with it. It feels like a Groupon. Who wants to try this? I'm not sure if our lives are in the particular place she wants, but it's worth a shot. We're a fun group and she loves group fun. We can cement our bond forever! I mean, it'll probably be cemented through chlamydia, but STD bonds are the strongest and they last a lifetime, or at the very least until treatment is done. Best part, guys, is that she can host. SHE CAN FUCKING HOST.

That about wraps it up for me. Hope everyone had a happy Father's Day!