Happy Independence Day Eve Times!

The eve of our country's independence is upon us! Here's a little something to get you in the mood:

Know what else will get you in the mood to celebrate all your freedoms from tyranny, both political and societal? Reading some Craigslist missed connections and seeing what real freedom of speech is. Olè!

Behind Crazy Harry's... - m4w (Winnetka)

It was a few years ago. You were short and curvy with dark hair and glasses...I fingered you in the parking lot behind the bar and you told me you loved it without condoms as we kissed and I rubbed your clit... 

 

Whelp! There it is! There it fucking is. Right in front of your face, staring at you with its brazenness. At this point, why bother describing the person? It's been a few years, sure, but how many times can the person you're looking for possibly have been fingered by a stranger behind Crazy Harry's? Here's a pretty useful life hack: if the answer is more than once, then you don't want to meet up with that person again. Ever. And if you're not trying to meet up with them, but merely reminiscing in the worst way possible, just write it in your goddamn gournal.

 

 

you work for at&t and ur name is Noah - w4m (Burbank)

If anyone knows him ask him if he had any missed connections lately at work. My phone deleted his number from when he called me to let me know he was at my apartment to install a router. We had this chemistry I can't stop feeling since the second we met.

Crossing my fingers he replies to this with my real name. 

 

Ugh. Just call AT&T and ask for your technician's number or some shit. Or tell them there's a problem with your router and you want that specific person to come by. Or just let it go and move on with your life. Or switch to Time Warner and fall in love with THAT guy (That's a joke. DO NOT SWITCH TO TIME WARNER). Or go out to a bar and meet someone. Or go online and make a dating profile and meet someone that way. Or just give up and be alone for the rest of your life. Whatever you do, don't type "ur" ever again. It makes your ass look HUGE.

 

2 young guys in Resturant getting food to go - m4m

You guys were getting food to go today around 11:15 at a place on redondo between 4th & 7th street.

We spoke and you knew I was checking you guys out. Don't know if you are a couple. Would love to hang out with the 2 of you sometime. Maybe more if the vibe is right.

Tell me what you did before you left so I know it's you.

Hope to hear from you.
I am on grinder and jack's dad4son56

 

Is...is "dad4son56" the guy's name on Grindr? Because that's fucking disturbing. God DAMN that's disturbing. I hope what they did before they left was pay for their food, because that would NOT be cool. And let's be real here, the whole " We should hang out and MAYBE more if the vibe is right" line is TOTAL bullshit. Just say "I want to make love to your face, son." It's much less disingenuous.

 

LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AT FRIDA - w4m - 30 (Westwood)

I know this is a long shot but you got my attention. I was the gorgeous Latina girl with long curly hair, having a drink at the bar and you asked me if the seat next to me was taken. You were with your gf/wife and after 10 min or so you asked me if the food was good there. Tell me what I answered to you. I think that you are handsome and your voice attracted me. I would like to get to know you better if you are interested

 

Turn ons: Girls that refer to themselves as gorgeous and are indifferent to whether a guy is in a relationship. Turn offs: My turn ons. What a horrible bitch. Go find someone else who isn't taken if you're so goddamn gorgeous and quit being such an amoral hoe bag. "Your voice attracted me." SHUT UP. 

 

To the person who folded my laundry... - mw4mw - 27 (City of Hope village)

I want to thank you for saving my clothing I accidentally forgot in the dryer at city of hope village. And not just that you folded all my clothes INCLUDING my under ware how embarrassing...i asked security to let me inside as I seen today my load was missing...so it was there since Friday afternoon. THANK YOU! if you see this tell me what kinds of clothes I had in there...would love to chat.

 

I leave you all with this little nugget of hope. There are good, decent people who will not only forego stealing your clothes, but will fold them for you (underwear included). I like posts like this. This person only has gratitude and they're not looking to finger this person or trying to set up a threesome for them and their spouse. It's great. However, I have one little nagging question. Why do they want to chat with this person? How's that conversation going to go? "Hey, you're the person that folded my laundry for me?" "Yeah." "Thank you!....Catch you later." Will you discuss folding techniques? Whether or not they noticed your skid marks? The benefits of permanent press? 

That's about all I have for you. I'll leave you with this: Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. - Mark Twain. Hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th of July!

Don't drink the Kool-Aid. Drink the milk!

I gotta say, soccer players are pussies. I've been watching the World Cup for the past 5 days and I have seen more people rolling around on the ground bawling than at the Rolling Around and Bawling Convention. (August 15th in Des Moines, get your tickets!) I know what you're going to ask: why are you watching the games then? Because fuck you. I'm doing research into why this is the world's most popular sport and so far all I can figure is that the world is populated by jerks. To take a break from all the inanity, I poked around Craigslist missed connections and found some real gems.

guy lets talk dirty - t4m - 19 (bell gardens)

Lets meeet at a park nd have some hot public sex ;)
Or lets just get down nd dirty

 

There were some pictures that accompanied this post, but I didn't want to look at them longer than I had to, so YOU'RE WELCOME. I guess what's bothering me about this post is that if having sex in public doesn't constitute getting down and dirty in this persons mind, what does? Maybe fucking on a pile of garbage at a Toby Keith concert? I dunno. There's just no pleasing some people.

 

Walmart - m4w

You had to be the most beautiful women I have ever seen

You were a mom with your little one (I assume your a single mother considering I don't see a ring on your finger)

You were tall , brown or black hair

You were wearing flip flops

Gorgeous long toes

And you have the most beautiful feet I have ever seen

I saw you from a distance and I was attracted

Hope you see this post, would love to email yo

 

You just KNOW when a post starts at Walmart that it's going to be quality. This almost reads like a poem. A poem about long, gorgeous toes and beautiful feet. I mean, to read it you'd think the guy never even saw her face. He barely can tell what color her hair was. Although "I saw you from a distance" can be anywhere up to and including one mile, and Walmarts are pretty huge. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and give him 7 out of 10 on the creepy Walmart guy scale. (No one scores below a 7)

 

Backstreet boy Concert Thursday night may 29th - m4w (The Forum)

Yes I was there , I went with a couple of female friends of mine

And me me being a 90's guy , I loved the show and the performance , it was amazing I gotta say

But I gotta say this one female caught my attention , she was wearing flip flops , well honestly the only girl I saw in flip flops ...

She could have been white or Hispanic

Age from 18-27 wasn't sure

But gotta admit so cute yet Gorgeous

And amazing feet in those flip flops

If your her I would love to here from you

And a quick quiz , AJ spoke about his wife coming down the aisle to a guns and roses song , which song did he mention ?

Please reply with answer and pix

Thanx !!!!! 

 

Holy shit it's the same guy and he was at a Backstreet Boys concert. Come the fuck on with the flip flops already. I think he has a problem. I can guess the song AJ's wife came down the aisle to; Welcome to the Jungle because she's fucking lame, just like the Backstreet Boys. Moving on...

 

Met you two at that bar - m4ww

You two were standing by the bar having a drink. I remember my jaw dropping when I saw you. Two white girls in your early 20s, one blonde, one brunette, both had great bodies with big natural boobs. I was really taken aback when I started talking to the two of you; you were really open and friendly. Funny too. After our third round of drinks one of you hinted to me that we could continue our little party at a nearby hotel for a price. I was tempted but I said no since I've never paid for it before. I really, really regret that now. If you see this and are still working, tell me which one of you mentioned the hotel idea. And which hotel it was. I'd love to make this happen. 

 

This is the saddest post I've ever seen. Only because this poor bastard doesn't know how to find other hookers. They're not the only ones, my man. And they're all friendly and open (Wide open, AM I RIGHT?!?) And I have to go on record here: I love women's breasts. Tits, boobs, cans, etc. Whatever you want to call them, I love them. But whenever someone is trying to be articulate they can't put "big natural boobs". That's what an eight year old and his friends would write if they were trying to write erotic fan fiction about Wendy Woodpecker or whatever kids are into these days.

Hope the rest of your week is amazing. Enjoy the rest of the Copa Mundial 2014 arriba! Gooooooooooooooooooooooooal!

 

Eat, Shit and Die: Why commas are important.

Some of you know, others don't, but I've been doing freelance work as of late. Technically I'm always looking for work and when I'm not working I'm technically unemployed. Technically. Out of curiosity, AND NOTHING ELSE, I decided to look on Craigslist to see what exciting opportunimals there are in the ever burgeoning TV and film industry. It was all porn and bullshit and bullshit porn. So I figured while I was there, I'd see if any missed connections were happening. And they WERE.

lady in peach dress Del Amo Mall Starbucks - m4w

A stunning beautiful lady wearing a peach summer dress heels and green toenail polish at Starbucks in Del Amo Mall 

 

Where's the rest? I see your nice description of a lady in a dress at the Starbucks, but what happens to her? What's he motivation? What's YOUR motivation? If this is going to be the next great American novel, then we need a little more from you. Like....anything. Speaking of novels...

240 bus hottie tonight. Next time ride me instead - m4w - 26 (Towards universal red.line station)

age : 26 body : athletic height : 5'11" (180cm)

You were a hot mixed? Curly haired girl holding a shopping bag and wearing some comfy all black pants and hoodie number that did a wonderful job of tracing your amazing curviness. It was around 9:30 Friday night on the 240 bus headed towards studio city on Ventura. I only got on and had a few minutes which i spent fucking you with my eyes and not being able to get through a sentance noticing thst the top of your ass was showing a bit and you either didnt notice or perfect world scenario knew exactly what was up. we smiled at each other a couple times. then you also randomly started filming this drunk dude who was talking nonsense.Dont do this sort.of thing regularly but have been having some dirty thoughts about you this evening and really would love to pull those sweat pants down a bit more or just completely off and do lots of things i wont mention here in the hopes of remaining somewhat sophisticated in this approach though all i really have on the mind now is hard primal fucking. I am a gentleman though. anyways i have dirty blonde hair and had on a striped shirt under a windbreaker and was holding a really thick book. in the off chance that you A) do see this B) reconize me from description and situation details and C) A + B apply and and would like to get ravished until you need to tap out then definitley get in touch. Lastly mean all this in avery complimentary way and have no judgements based of you or assumptions you would be the type to go for such a thing if this all lined up. thought.i would try though as a first though and hopefully the heavens will align and we can fuck like mad haha.

 

Did you make it through the whole thing? I sure hope you did. Because this has everything that "Lady in Peach Dress" was missing. Nuance. Catharsis. Denouement. This guy has it all. Action, suspense, romance. My favorite part is that he considers this a "somewhat sophisticated" approach. Maybe because he had to use a computer to do it? Otherwise, repeatedly telling a stranger you want to rail them isn't overly complex. I also like his little math equation, where A + B = C which results in this lady getting ravished. The "C" must stand for "coitus." I sure hope she remembers the guy who was holding a "thick book" so this tale can have a sexy ending.

 

Stella barra - m4m (Santa Monica)

Hi :). Nice to see u did u get a pizza? U r very handsome. Omg this keeps saying it's too short. Grrrrrr

First things first: missed connections is not for small talk or chit chat. This is a serious place meant to establish a connection because you're an idiot and missed it the first time and you have no other recourse. Second things second: if craigslist is telling you that your post is too short, then try TYPING OUT ALL THE GODDAMN WORDS YOU SHORTENED. If the "this" you're referring to is the tape measure you're using to measure your penis, then there is no such thing as too short. AM I RIGHT LADIES/FELLAS?!?!

 

Is this your last summer together? Make it special - mw4mm - 43

Mature woman, mother of two, wants to meet a group of friends, students, having their last summer together before their lives go in different directions. Celebrate this moment with a night of group sex, cementing your bond between each other forever. My husband and I swing, I love group fun, I want to share this with young friends in a particular place in their lives. I can host. w4mm 

I...just....wow. WOW. This is so sincere and so goddamn funny. Her pitch is solid. I'm kind of on-board with it. It feels like a Groupon. Who wants to try this? I'm not sure if our lives are in the particular place she wants, but it's worth a shot. We're a fun group and she loves group fun. We can cement our bond forever! I mean, it'll probably be cemented through chlamydia, but STD bonds are the strongest and they last a lifetime, or at the very least until treatment is done. Best part, guys, is that she can host. SHE CAN FUCKING HOST.

That about wraps it up for me. Hope everyone had a happy Father's Day!

Returning Like A Phoenix, AZ

It's been exactly one million years since I posted a blog, and even longer since I posted a missed connections blog. So here we are. I hope I haven't lost my edge, and I hope you haven't lost your appetite for pathetic people being pathetic.

Once more into the fray!

You work at Pie Hole and your name starts with a...... - m4w (Arts District DTLA)

...R....
I hope this find you well. I could not help but notice your sweet smile and when I saw you walking through the farmers market, it was your amazing shape that caught my eye. Then I was face to face with you and you were all smiles and very nice. I know it is part of your job to be nice, but, your smile had me wanting more....I Wish I was able to stop time and we could be there....to enjoy the time. If you find this....please tell me your name (so I know it is really you, and I may have another question to make sure....Hope your night was well. Am I a bit weird for this.....first time doing this ever....:) If you know of the gal I speak of...please pass this on to her.....She has glasses, very cute, lovely smile and works behind the counter.....

 

Ugh. I'm away for a long time and then this is the shit I come back to. Well, let's do this. For starters "I hope this finds you well" is how you END a Civil War era letter, not how you start one. I just hope she got over her case of dropsy. Moving on, "I wish I was able to stop time..." You are a poet. You really are. I want this to be worked into my eulogy when I die, which if I was this guy would be right now, because I'd shoot myself in the goddamn face. "If you know of the gal..." Here's a pro tip: YOU KNOW THE GIRL. You know where she works, you chicken shit. YOU pass it on. Write her a poem. Here's your first line: The light doth casteth off thine name tag that I can clearly fucking readeth, yet I findeth fear in my heart because I'm a pussy. 

 

That one's for free, buddy.

Missed Israeli Connection - w4m - 32

I am sorry. You were the best lay ever. Your very personality was sexy. I did you wrong. I am a jealous person. I miss you. Sad. 

 

I fucking love haiku's.

 

Looking for Ms. Molly

Hoping to pick up Ms. Molly. If you know where I can find her, hit me up at nine 0 9 7one six three2.
I'll be at commerce casino.
Thanks. 

 

What's that? A sad bastard looking for MDMA at commerce casino? Say it isn't so...

 

Beautiful girl with pink plugs working at UCLA dining hall - m4w (UCLA)

I was at the dining hall when I saw you working at the flatbread section. You had beautiful eyes and pink plugs. I was wearing an orange sleeveless shirt, you walked by me while I was sitting, I wanted to say hi but I was with my girlfriend, we are actually breakinf up soon cause she's moving. I'm hoping maybe I'll have another chance to talk to you. I'm hoping you see this and message me lol

 

Does a smile creep across the face of anyone else when they read this? Because it is ridiculous. Yet another "Woe is me, how will I contact this person that I know where they work" posting. But that's not what made me smile. The "I was with my girlfriend, we are actually breakinf (sic) up soon cause she's moving" part. That made me smile, because this guy is so goddamn stupid. Why include that? That is not important information. At all. I imagine him typing the part about having a girlfriend and then thinking "Oh shit! I shouldn't have put that. I better explain why I have a girlfriend but it's okay for me to be propositioning another girl.... Phew. Dodged a bullet there." Just delete it, dude. 

And there we have it. I'll try to do two of these a week from here on out. I'll never let you down again.