Gay Weddings For All!

We did it! We got 5 out of 9 people to accept homosexuality, sort of! We all deserve a hearty pat on the back. Let's all start planning our gay weddings!

All joking aside, I'm thrilled for all of my LGBT friends and family, and even the people I don't know. This is huge.

To celebrate, I jingle jangled my way to the Salt Lake City, Utah missed connections on Craigslist to see what some truly depraved people were up to.

hey you there - m4w - 40 (River Bottom) 

I have extensive experience shoveling horse shit. If this interests you, hit me up, holla back gurl.

We should have crossed paths earlier and I dropped the ball, just so I could post here, but I was traveling to a horse shit convention at the time. I thought I would give it a shot anyways.

You know what's better than cryptic inside jokes between friends? Cryptic inside jokes between strangers on Craigslist missed connections. You know what's better than that? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I was going to start questioning why a person would even bother posting this, but then here I am commenting on it and what not and then begins the introspection that we're all familiar with that just leads us to the bottom of a bottle. I'll just skip all that and concede that this person is a human brown-eye.

your chocolate 4 my vanilla - w4m - 38 (flying j slc)

You work at the Slc flyingj you came over to me and sorta flirted with me, it made my panties wet, my husband tried to find you to say you could if he could watch, let me know if you want too. This was Sunday morning

If I had a dime for every time a woman's husband told me I could nail her if he got to watch while in a Flying J, I'd have 5 dimes and a Kennedy half dollar and be the richest person inside the Flying J. Have you ever been to a Flying J? Straight out of the 70's:

It's like a shitter with a candy aisle. What a leap in the hooking up process we witnessed. They went from "sort of flirting" to "bang me while my husband watch-cries in the corner" in the span of 1 "it made my panties wet". That's gotta be some sort of record, even for a Flying J.

We had amazing sex back in February - w4m - 19 (West Jordan)

We hooked up twice and had great sex earlier this year. I lost your email and haven't been able to find you since. You were 28, 6'2 and had tattoos. If you want to hook up again with me reply with a pic and tell me the color of my hair and body type.

There's a lot of subjectivity in there. What if said tattooed 28 year old guy sees this, but he only remembers the sex as "OK" or "damp"? You will have missed each other because of the fact that you were amazed by the sex and he thought he was fucking a wet pillow. And for your body type, what if he sees you as a pear and you see yourself as an apple? Once again, true love will have fallen to the wayside. Here's my advice: never post anything on the internet again.

Cessily? Cecelia? In front of the pie hole. - m4w - 32

Friday night in front of the pie hole. You commented on my bike. I let you sit on it and I took a picture of you with your phone. You were wearing a light sleeveless top, and light skirt. You are very attractive. I should have asked you to text me the pic! (cause then I would have your number) But I make a habit of never asking for a girls numbers at a bar because it seems so cliche. But then again we were outside... So shoulda, coulda, woulda. Now I am posting here.

Never done this before, but heard of it working. So email me the pic I took of you. Or tell me about the bike or any other accessory you remember.

This guy is hilarious. He's very insistent on saying "the pie hole" which is obviously a restaurant, but COME THE FUCK ON. That's funny. He goes on to regale us with their meet cute EXCEPT he didn't get her number. And why didn't he get her number? Because he "[makes] a habit of never asking for a girls number at a bar because it seems so cliche." Buuuuuullllshiiiiiiiit. You have tiny little hamster balls. That's why you don't ask for their numbers. So stop lying to yourself and for fuck's sake, stop lying to us. We were on your side until you tried to sail that horse shit past us. (I was never on his side. He's clearly a dipshit) "Now I'm posting here." And that sums it up, doesn't it? And now he's posting here. 

That's it from Salt Lake City. Three cheers for equality! And four cheers for the Flying J!