The British are coming!

Where did the time go? We're almost at the summer solstice and my chakra has yet to align with the waxing moon as it approaches Libra. If that last sentence sounded like bullshit, it's because it was. And if you take offense because you believe in that stuff, tough shit. Tough shit for you and your bullshit beliefs. You probably also believe in fate like all the people that post on Craigslist missed connections and I WEEP FOR OUR FUTURE.

Today I'm peeping Boston to see how their crazies deal with missed connections. Not well, my friends...not well. Enjoy hearing all the posts in a Boston accent in your head.

sweetheart - w4m - 21

you work at one of my favorite bars. maybe i'm making the whole connection up in my head...because i don't doubt that you flirt a little with all your female customers since that's part of the whole bartender package.

but i feel a vibe there. i get the sense that despite your job and tattoos and all the other things that mark you a 'bad boy' or an 'alt' type...you're just sweet and a little awkward. which i like.

if nothing else, i enjoy our chats and the special concoctions you make for me.

We've all been there. The "I'm getting the feeling this bartender is in to me" vibe. It's going to happen. Their job is to try and be nice and personable to every person they come into contact with so they can maximize their tips and also because most bartenders are normal, personable people. So we can all understand why this idiot is getting that vibe, right? What I don't understand is her "bad boy" stereotyping. I thought tattoos meant someone likes tattoos. Hell, I once saw a biker with "Fuck Cops" tattooed on the back of his head and he was on his way to a prayer meeting. And what are these "other things" that make him a bad boy? The spike studded choker? The flippant way he says "You're Welcome"? Anyway, stop crushing on the bartender.

Comcast guy pissing in his van - m4m (Somerville)

You were parked on a busy street and standing next to your van with the doors open. You were looking around so nervously you had to have been taking a piss...or something else. That was bold, man.  

What's the end game, here? Do you want to meet up with the van pisser? Or did you just want to put it out into the universe that you saw a guy pissing/jerking it in his van? Either way, thanks for wasting my time. He could have been nervous for any number of reasons, which I will now list:

Reason 1) His penis was caught in his zipper and he JUST noticed.

Reason 2) He was on his phone making an illegal insider trade on some stocks.

Reason 3) He was stuffing cable into his pants, because goddamn it he's going to steal all the cable he can from Comcast while this sweet-ass gig is going on.

Reason 4) He was pissing.

Reason 5) He was jerking off.

My dog walking neighbor - m4w - 54 (Raynham)

You've been by a couple of times this week walking your dog. You looked so hot today. I would so much love for you to stop in and let me ravish that hot body of yours! I'd start by worshiping that gorgeous ass. Then I'd go wherever you wanted to take this.

Where's her dog while you're worshiping her ass, you inconsiderate prick? Figure out the dog situation, THEN we'll talk.

Sexy, fit, discreet builder makes housecalls - m4w - 39 (norwood-dedham)

Handsome and very professional.. I am great with my hands. What ever your needs, I will fix them right!!

What happens when a sexy handyman dressed in Levi's and work boots comes to address some maintenance needs of a sensual scantily-clad lady? It starts with flirting and smiles, and moves to more suggestive innuendos of interest.. hearts beat faster with anticipation of what might become, then the line is crossed as he leans in, and kisses her. She is shocked, scared, and yet also excited.. she is nervous, but needing of his touch. How will she respond?

Very discrete (yes, married) and experienced builder will come to consult you on any home repair or renovation issue you have. No pressure.. I will follow your lead. Safe (latex condoms) play only... ultra discreet.. maybe a one-time meeting.. no expectations other than secrecy. Let's chat, exchange pics, and get to know each other a bit.. and see if you might need my services!

Ha! Oh, lord, that middle part is hilarious. Save it for Penthouse Forum, you fucking lech! Hooo, what a shit bag. "yes, married" A woman can only DREAM that her husband sums up their marriage so succinctly. What's great is if someone calls him JUST for a consultation on their leaky sink. Imagine the stupid look on his fucking face when it's a man and wife answering the door and they just want to know about putting an island in their kitchen. Or someone exchanges pics. His is a picture in sexy overalls; theirs is of their cabinets they want to refinish. Can you see the look on his stupid dumb fuck face? HA! This is going to carry me to the weekend.

I hope you enjoyed our little getaway to Boston. Go out this weekend and get some sun. No one likes a pale ass to worship.